


Leaving Home Ain't Easy

by Spread_your_wings02



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: AU - Superpowers, Angst, Anxiety, Blood, Brian is protective, Crying, Depression, Fluff and Angst, Freddie and Brian give good hugs, John is mostly just confused, Kidnapping, M/M, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Roger is annoying, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Violence, and he needs a hug, but he's also really sweet, past trauma, so does john
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2019-11-06 06:14:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 37,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17934374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spread_your_wings02/pseuds/Spread_your_wings02
Summary: If the room could get anymore tense, it did, and John just wanted it to swallow him up. He didn’t know what was happening, and thought maybe Roger hadn’t heard him correctly. So John reached out to touch his arm. And then blinding pain. John only just became aware that Roger had twisted his arm in such an angle, he was sure he could break it. John didn’t know what was going on, and his breathing quickened as his anxiety was sent through the roof. In his panic, John saw Brian run over to them and stand directly in front of Roger, making eye contact.“Roger you need to let go. There’s no danger here,” Brian said in the gentlest voice John had ever heard. He felt the grip on his arm loosen a little.“It’s okay Roger. There’s no danger,” Brian repeated. Roger dropped his arm and John spun around in time to see Roger look at him with the utmost hurt in his eyes, before vanishing.-------------------John is sent to a home for young adults with 'special abilities', where he meets three interesting people who make him feel like he has an actual family again. His life seemed to have picked up, and John hoped it could stay like that forever. It didn't last very long.





	1. I Take A Step Outside

**Author's Note:**

> I need to stop starting new stories!!! But I've been thinking about this one for a while and I couldn't help but just start it, even though my other one isn't finished yet.  
> Anyway, this is an superhero au, it's mostly from John's perspective, but centers a lot around his and Roger's friendship, as well as his and Freddie's. I'm not sure what era this is in, so it's up to you. 
> 
> Their ages in this are:  
> John - 19  
> Roger - 21  
> Brian - 23  
> Freddie - 24
> 
> *TRIGGER WARNING*  
> There is mentions of past abuse, but it is not domestic violence. It is more about people wanting to control people with powers, but if anything like this triggers you, I very strongly advise you don't read this. It doesn't go into very much detail in this chapter, but will get deeper as the story progresses. 
> 
> Anyway my lovies, I hope you enjoy it :)

John closed his suitcase and looked around his room. Everything that he held dear to him was packed away into his suitcase, leaving the room just an empty shell to what it used to be. John didn’t want to go. He had pleaded and begged his parents but he only received replies that went along the lines of ‘it’s the only way to keep you safe,’ which John could understand if he put his mind to it, but he was so angry that he couldn’t justify his parents’ actions. He was trying to prolong this as long as he could, just standing in his room, not knowing when he was going to come back, or if he was going to come back. He was leaving his uni, his friends, his family… his life. He only had the chance to stuff everything into a bag before his life would be thrown away because ‘he wasn’t safe enough to live in society’. He slammed his fist on top of the suitcase, tears welling up in his eyes that he desperately tried to blink back. He didn’t want his parents to see how upset he was. So he stood there, letting himself calm down enough for the storm in his head to settle, before grabbing the handle of his suitcase, and walking out the room.

\---------------------------------------------

The whole car ride there was silent. John was sat in the passenger seat whilst his dad was driving, not breaking his stare from out the window. As the car slowed, John turned his head to look out the front window and saw a large house. He realised it was the only house in the area. It wasn’t exactly a street, it was basically in the middle of no where, which John understood. He was sent there to be out of the public eye, so what place was better than somewhere no one can find him?

John sighed as they pulled up at the house, before getting out of the car. His dad also got out to help him get his suitcase out, but John already did it. He looked at his dad to see remorse in his eyes. It surprised John because he thought that he would be more than happy to send him away. Obviously not.

His dad took a step forward, and John could see that he was not sure whether to hug his son or not. John took a step forward and wrapped his arms around the older man. He could hear his dad crying silently, but didn’t mention it. Even though he was so angry and upset that his parents were making him do this, he couldn’t deny that he would miss them. So John held onto the hug until his dad had stopped crying. He pulled away with a soft smile.

“I will be back tomorrow with your guitar and the rest of your clothes,” his dad said softly with a small smile, his eyes still glistening with tears. John nodded in return.

“I’ll see you then,” his dad said, giving him a nod before getting back in the car.

John watched as his dad drove off before looking back at the house. He wondered how many others there would be. Would they be all older? Younger? What happens if he wasn’t like them? What if he didn’t get along with anyone? He shook his head, clearing the thoughts away before walking up the stairs to the front door.

He brought his hand up to knock when suddenly, the door was flung wide open. John just stood there with wide eyes, staring at the person stood on the other side of the door. He had shoulder length black hair, and he was grinning from ear-to-ear.

“Hi I’m Freddie. What’s your name darling?”

John stuttered over what to say in his head, forgetting his name for a moment, before replying.

“John. Urm… my name’s John Deacon,” he stammered, embarrassed at the way his voice sounded. He wasn’t sure whether it was his nerves, or that a good looking man was staring at him.

‘ _Good looking man? You can’t develop a crush already John, you’ve only just bloody met the guy_ ,’ John thought, his cheeks reddening slightly at his train of thought. Either Freddie didn’t notice, or just decided to ignore it, as he gestured for John to come in before shutting the door behind him. John stood there awkwardly before following Freddie into another room. He was met with a man with brown curly hair sat on the sofa with a blonde man snuggled into him.

“This is Brian,” Freddie said, pointing at the curly haired one who gave a short nod, “And this is Roger,” he said, pointing to the blonde.

“It’s rude to point you know Fred,” Roger said in a whiny voice. Brian nudged him whilst Freddie gave him a playful disapproving look, crossing his arms.

“Can’t you shut your trap for five minutes whilst I introduce our knew housemate?” Freddie replied, quirking an eyebrow. Roger snickered and turned to face John, still not moving from his spot under Brian’s arm.

“What’s your name?”

The question was aimed at John and he gulped back his simmering anxiety. “John.”

“Nice to meet you John,” Brian said, paired with an enthusiastic wave from Roger.

Freddie rolled his eyes. “You’ll get used to him,” he chuckled, gesturing to Roger. “He’s a handful and he can get on your nerves sometimes,”

“All the time,” Brian coughed, receiving an elbow in the side from Roger.

“But,” Freddie interrupted, “he’s lovely. I’m sure you’ll get along. As for Brian, he is basically just a giant poodle that is really clever, so as long as you can put up with him talking your head off about some space crap, you will be just fine as well.”

John smiled at Brian softly, who returned one to him.

“Right,” Freddie shouted, making John jump and the others laugh. “I will show you to your room.”

John followed Freddie out of the room, and up a winding staircase.

“We’ll share a room, if that’s okay. You can have a room to yourself if you want, but we usually pair up because it can get lonely without a room mate,” Freddie stated.

“No that’s fine. I don’t mind.”

John followed Freddie until they approached a door. Freddie opened it, before going in, John venturing inside after him. It was quite a big room with a bed either end. He could already tell which one was his. It was just a bed and a bedside table, as well as a set of drawers. It was the same on the other side except it was covered in stuff. The drawers were obviously full, some still open, the bed had obviously been slept in, and there were posters hanging up over the bed.

“Make yourself at home,” Freddie grinned, whilst John put his suitcase on his bed. He took out a few of his clothes, before placing them in the drawers.

“Hey you don’t have to do that now. You can come downstairs and chat with us if you like?” Freddie insisted. John didn’t really want to go down and talk with strangers, but he knew he had to make a good first impression, so nodded to Freddie, and closed his suitcase.

\--------------------------------------------------

“So what’s your power?” Freddie asked, eyebrows raised in question.

“Errr ... telekinesis.”

“That’s awesome darling. Mine’s healing,” Freddie replied, a wide grin spreading on his face.

“Mine’s telepathy,” Brian spoke up from the couch.

“What about you Roger?” John asked, turning his head to the seat beside Brian where he was sure Roger was a second ago.

“TELEPORTATION!”

John screamed at the voice behind him, eliciting chuckles all around the room, before he turned around to see Roger with a shit eating grin on his face.

“Shit you scared me. A warning would’ve been nice.” John muttered.

“Roger that joke got old after the third person. You need to come up with something a lot more elaborate,” Freddie declared in fake disapproval, a hand on his hip and his eyebrows raised so high John was sure they would reach his hairline.

Roger huffed before appearing back next to Brian, snuggling into his side. John didn’t know how Brian didn’t even flinch when Roger appeared next to him, but guessed he must be used to it.

“Well since Roger has already gave such an extravagant show of his abilities, would you like to show us yours and then we’ll show ours as well,” Freddie suggested, giving an encouraging nod to John. John looked at the others, receiving a smile from Brian and a thumbs up from Roger, before taking a deep breath. He spotted a lamp on the side table next to Brian, and focused all his energy onto it. The others watched as the lamp was lifted about three foot in the air, before landing back down perfectly.

“Huh that’s pretty cool,” Roger said, his eyes wide as he kept his gaze on the lamp. Brian nodded as well.

“Errr who’s next?”

“BRIAN!” Roger yelled, jumping slightly from his seat.

“Rog calm down. Your going to scare him off before we’ve even eaten dinner,” Freddie scolded, earning a snicker from Roger.

‘He’s annoying but you’ll get used to it,’ Brian’s voice sounded in John’s head, and he whipped round to see Brian giggling.

“Did you just speak to me in my head?”

“Yeah, I can speak to people telepathically, but I can’t read thoughts,” Brian told him.

“That’s so cool,” John said, giving Brian a wide smile. “What about you Freddie?”

Freddie smiled before he went into the kitchen, returning with a knife. John gave him a worried look, feeling his body tense. Freddie only flashed him a smile, then made a small cut on the back of his hand. He showed it to John, who then saw the cut close up and seal itself.

“Oh my god,” John gasped.

“I know, it’s cool isn’t it.”

Whilst John was thinking about how awesome Freddie’s power was, he only just heard Roger whispering to Brian: “Can I carry on with my idea now?”John turned to see Brian huff, but no Roger next to him. John and Freddie gave Brian a questioning glance, before a high pitched shriek erupted from the kitchen.

“Roger what do you think you’re doing?” came a man’s voice. John started to get nervous at the prospect of meeting another person, but tried to keep his nerves in check, especially at how the other two housemates were giggling quietly to themselves, obviously due to whatever was happening in the kitchen.

John heard Roger stutter for an answer, before Roger appeared again but stood facing Brian. Brian was yanked from his seat and ran up the stairs following Roger, who was leading him by the hand. John noticed that Roger had a slight limp as he ran, but decided not to bring it up. He didn’t want to dig into everyone’s lives on his first day.

A man came into the room then. He was a bit taller than John, and much older, and John guessed he must be the owner or something, especially as he obviously held some power, John concluded, from the way Roger has ran away from him, after doing god knows what in the kitchen. The man approached him and held out his hand.

“You must be John. I’m Jim, the owner of this house, but you can call me Miami,” he said in a gentle tone.

John took his hand and shook it, giving a short nod. After their hands broke free, Freddie thought it was as good as time as any to but in.

“So what was Roger doing?”

“Stealing the alcohol from the cupboard,” Jim muttered, dragging a hand along his face.

“Again?” Freddie asked. John knew this must not be the first time, but it did confuse him why the alcohol was banned, especially because they were all adults.

“Are we not allowed alcohol?” John questioned.

“You, Brian and Freddie are. Not Roger,” Jim responded.

“Why not?” John wasn’t sure if he was pushing the boundaries, but he was curious, and if he was going to live with these people, he thought it was in his own right to know how things worked.

“He’s an angry drunk,” Freddie said. John noticed Freddie’s mouth open, wanting to say more, but saw Jim give him a warning look.

“Dinner will be ready soon. I suggest John that you unpack and settle in,” Jim said with a smile, before turning and walking out the room.

Freddie took his hand and they made their way back up to their bedroom. John started to finish unpacking, Freddie flipping through a book on his bed, when a question came to his mind.

“Hey Fred?”

“Yes darling?” Freddie asked, his eyes not wavering from the page he was looking at.

“Is there anyone else that lives here?”

John looked at his roommate and saw that his eyes had flicked to look at him over his book. The atmosphere in the room grew tense, and John feared he had angered the other man.

“No.”

John didn’t know if he was going to continue, and Freddie’s manner had changed in such a way that brought his anxiety to the surface. ‘ _Had he stepped over the mark? Was he not meant to ask such things? Was he-’_

“There used to be, but they all moved to the other house in Cornwall,” Freddie stated, interrupting John from his thoughts. That still gave John not much information, and he was still too curious to let it go.

“How come?”

Freddie let out a heavy breath. “They didn’t feel safe here.”

A beat passed as John absorbed the information. He knew he should’ve left the conversation, but words just kept tumbling out of his mouth.

“Why?” he asked quietly.

Freddie only looked at him. John didn’t mean to be insistent, but he just wanted to know about the place he was building his new life in.

“Cmon, dinner should be ready now,” Freddie said, his cheerful persona back.

John nodded and followed him out the room. It made him feel a bit uneasy, knowing that other people had said that this place was unsafe. He saw no cause for it to be, so wondered what could’ve convinced them to think that. He shook his head, tearing his consciousness from his thoughts and into reality, before following Freddie down the stairs.

————————————--------------

They sat at the dinner table, Roger and Brian on one side, Freddie and John on the other. They were given a plate of pasta each, and John didn’t realise how hungry he was until he took his first mouthful.

Brian and Roger were quietly talking together, and John watched Roger giggle sweetly because of something Brian had said to him.

“Hey... urm... are you two together?” John asked, regretting it instantly as soon as he was met with wide eyes from the other people in the room. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked about it at the dinner table. He made eye contact with Roger, who had disgust painted on his face. John gulped.

“Yeah. Is that a problem?” Roger spat, standing up, stopped from going any further by Brian grabbing his hand. John automatically leant back, his anxiety spiking. He knew that he was going to end up causing some sort of tiff between himself and someone at some point.

“Woah why are you so defensive? It was just a question,” Freddie aimed at Roger, eyebrows raised. John silently thanked Freddie for not taking up the defensive side.

Brian pulled Roger back down onto his chair, Roger mumbling a small apology as Brian gave him a sharp look, which softened the moment Roger uttered his defeat.

“Yes we are. We have been for about two years now.” Brian said in a much nicer tone than Roger, before giving the blonde a blinding smile, which was returned, as well as a small kiss on the lips.

Freddie made a gagging noise. “Darlings I suggest you get a room if you’re going to carry on like that, otherwise I’ll end up throwing up this dinner before I’ve finished it.”

A piece of pasta hit Freddie straight in the middle of his forehead.

“Roger I wouldn’t start with that again if I were you,” Freddie warned, a playful smirk plastered on his face. John guessed it must be a regular occurrence, due to the eyeroll Brian gave them.

“It’s not like you can catch me anyway Fred,” Roger smiled with a smug look.

Freddie laughed before throwing a piece of pasta back at Roger, aiming for his head. When the food hit the wall behind Roger’s chair, John was confused for a moment, until he heard Roger laughing behind him, and realised he must have teleported. John kept forgetting that they all had powers. He was so used to keeping them to himself so no one he knew had them, and he supposed other people were the same, because presenting powers in public was not a good idea. So it was sort of a bit odd for him to see other people use their powers with no care. It made him feel appreciated in a way, knowing that he didn’t have to hide away one of the elements that made up his identity, and that the other people in the house honestly didn’t give a shit if he used them.

He was so lost in thought that he missed the warning Roger shouted before pasta smacked him straight in the chest. Roger burst into laughter, Brian was trying desperately to contain his, but Freddie was just staring at John with a slight worried expression.

“You alright John?” Freddie asked him.

John gave him a confused look. “Yeah I’m okay. “

“Good,” Freddie responded before his mouth broke into a shit eating grin and he broke into laughter. John joined in on the laughter, letting all the tension filter out of his body. This was the most relaxed he had been all day, and he delved into it, not wanting to let go. But he knew that he would always do or say something that would make him tense again.

“Boys calm down,” came Jim’s voice from the kitchen. “Freddie you better hurry up. You’re on dish duty tonight.”

Freddie pouted. “I’m pretty sure it’s Brian’s turn,” he whined.

“Nope,” Brian smirked. “I did it yesterday.”

“Urgh I hate you all,” Freddie muttered, causing Roger and Brian to cover their faces with smug smiles.

———————————-------------------

As Freddie did the washing up, the rest of them stayed in the kitchen with him, offering company, and keeping an eye on a cake Jim was making. Whilst Freddie was at the sink, John was sat at the small table in the corner, Brian was leaning against one of the counters, and Roger was sitting on top of the counter next to Brian, spooning the rest of the cake mix into his mouth.

“Deacy,” Freddie announced, a huge grin panning across his face as he waved the sponge in his hand. Everybody raised their eyebrows, confused by Freddie’s outburst.

“That’s what I’m going to call you,” Freddie said, pointing the washing up sponge at John.

“Why?”

“Well I guess you need a nickname. I have nicknames for the others,” Freddie grinned.

“What do you call Brian and Roger?”

Freddie continued to wash a plate before scowling at Brian.

“You can’t tell me what to do Brian,” Freddie said. “And don’t swear at me dear. It’s not polite.” John guessed that Brian must be talking to Freddie in his head, and he found the whole encounter quite funny. He watched as Brian stuck his tongue out at Freddie, which made Freddie splash him with water in response.

“Well,” Freddie said, interrupting his thoughts. “I call Brian either Bri or poodle man.”

John laughed and Brian huffed, crossing his arms.

“And I call that one over there blondie,” Freddie continued. At the nickname, Roger looked up from the bowl.

“Hm?”

“Nothing dear.” Freddie assured him with a grin. Roger shrugged, before focusing all his attention back on the cake mix. John found it funny how focused he was. He noticed that whilst Roger was eating the cake mix, he was in a little world of his own.

John cleared his throat as silence landed upon the conversation.

So... urm Freddie. Why are you here?”

“Well my parents didn’t want a kid with powers so I was in a children’s home for a while until I was kicked out at 18, then I lived with my friend Tim for a while, and then came here when I was 20,” Freddie said, still washing the dishes.

“Oh. I’m sorry,” John uttered quietly. John was embarrassed by his question. He just wanted to get to know everyone better.

“It’s fine Deacy honestly,” Freddie assured, turning from the dishes to face John. “It happened a long time ago, and it’s a common question to be asked. I don’t mind.” Freddie gave a reassuring smile to John before turning back to the dishes.

“Well… what about you Brian, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Brian gave a small chuckle. “My parents thought they could cure me, so they sent me here.”

John raised his eyebrows. Everyone knew that there was no cure for people with ‘’special abilities’, so found it quite strange for Brian’s parents to think that.

“I can tell what you’re thinking and your probably right. I don’t think they were that dumb though, I think it was more of an excuse to kick me out. But at least they waited until I was out of highschool. I was the youngest when I first got here,” Brian said.

“How old were you?” John asked. He was sure all of them were older than him, so knew that if Brian had been here since highschool, he had been here a while.

“I was 17,” Brian replied.

As John turned to Roger, who had gotten off the counter to put the bowl away, the atmosphere in the room went dark. John didn’t understand what was happening, but as he opened his mouth to ask Roger the same question he had asked the other two, he heard Brian’s voice in his head.

‘Don’t do it John.’

John didn’t understand what he meant by that. Stop doing what exactly? He was only asking a question, and like Freddie said, it was a common one as well. So John ignored Brian.

Roger turned around in John’s direction just as John asked him the question, breaking Roger out of his head.

“Why are you here Roger?”

Roger stopped. He stood rigid and stared at John wide eyed. If the room could get anymore tense, it did, and John just wanted it to swallow him up. He didn’t know what was happening, and thought maybe Roger hadn’t heard him correctly. So John reached out to touch his arm. And then blinding pain. John only just became aware that Roger had twisted his arm in such an angle, he was sure he could break it. John didn’t know what was going on, and his breathing quickened as his anxiety was sent through the roof. In his panic, John saw Brian run over to them and stand directly in front of Roger, making eye contact.

“Roger you need to let go. There’s no danger here,” Brian said in the gentlest voice John had ever heard. He felt the grip on his arm loosen a little.

“It’s okay Roger. There’s no danger,” Brian repeated. Roger dropped his arm and John spun around in time to see Roger look at him with the utmost hurt in his eyes, before vanishing. The next thing John knew, he was slammed into the wall behind him, fists in his shirt. Fists that belonged to Brian.

“What the hell were you doing? Did you not listen to Freddie at all?” Brian snapped, his face only inches away from John’s.

“Brian I didn’t tell him. I thought it would be better if we told him together,” Freddie said, placing a hand on Brian to calm him down. Brian let go of John’s shirt and stepped back with a sigh.

“Sorry John. I thought Freddie told you,” Brian mumbled.

“I guess we’ve got some explaining to do,” Freddie announced, looking at John, his face holding the most seriousness John had seen on him all day.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Brian and Freddie sat on the sofa, whilst John sat on the coffee table so he was facing them. He was so nervous about what they were going to tell him. He was just utterly confused about this whole situation and felt as if he’d been dragged into everybody’s lives. And he blamed himself because he didn’t listen to Brian when he warned him.

“Errr... okay... Roger got here when he had just turned 17, so a few months before Fred came, and I had obviously been here for two years before that.”

Brian paused. He glanced at Freddie who gave him a nod, urging him to keep going. Brian took a deep breath.

“He wasn’t... I don’t know how to exactly explain it... but it was like he was feral. He saw everything as an act against him.”

John gave him a confused look. “Why?”

“Well... we don’t know what happened to Rog before he came here. I don’t know who sent him, because it more than likely wasn’t his parents, but the only person that knows anything more than me is Jim, and that’s because he’s got his file. But, from what Roger’s implied, and from what I’ve heard from Jim, Roger was one of those kids that got ‘trained’ so that they could use their powers as a weapon.”

John watched as Brian rubbed his eyes before taking a shaky breath.

“We eventually got him to ‘normal’ so to speak, but there are certain things that can launch him back into that mindset. Like a switch is flipped. Thus what happened today,” Brian continued.

“So how do you stop it from happening?” John questioned, his voice coming out a lot quieter than he anticipated.

“Me, Brian and Jim have come up with a list of things that we’ve found, so far, trigger him. One is anything to do with what happened before he got here. So for example, talking about his parents, who looked after him, who sent him here, why he was sent here etcetera etcetera,” Freddie said.

“Number two is unexpected loud bangs. He’s fine with it if he knows they’re coming. I mean, he’s a bloody drummer. But if it comes out of nowhere and it’s loud, it triggers him.” Brian said.

“Number three is anything to do with fighting or being in danger. Also, if his anger gets too high, he can’t manage what’s happening. So we avoid heavy confrontation as much as possible because it doesn’t end well for us,” Brian finished.

“So what happens if he does get triggered?” John asked.

“We have a set of rules. Don’t touch, don’t make eye contact, tell him there’s no danger, then when he’s back again, just leave him. He can’t cope if you bombard him after,” Brian continued.

“But you made eye contact with him,” John said, confusion furrowing his eyebrows.

“I’m his boyfriend. For some reason, I ground him. I always have, even before we got together and were just best friends. I think it’s because he trusts me, and I let his rationale side come to the surface enough for him to flip the switch back,” Brian replied.

“One more thing,” Freddie spoke up. “Don’t give him commands. It’s a way to manipulate him because he’ll do it without even realising until after, and so we only do it in extreme cases.”

John nodded. All of this information was a lot to take in, and he knew Freddie would probably have to go over it again with him if he was going to remember it all.

“Right,” Brian yawned, standing up from the sofa. “I’m going to bed. Good night guys.”

Freddie and John said goodnight to Brian before Freddie decided he would go to bed too.

“Goodnight Deacy,” Freddie said with a smile.

John stayed downstairs by himself, trying to absorb the information he had just been told. He was living under the same roof as someone that was basically a ticking time bomb, and John didn’t know how to feel about it. He had basically seen two different people in Roger. Most of the day, he saw Roger as a playful person, one that would make jokes that would lighten the mood and who made a good boyfriend to Brian. But then when he was attacked, he saw Roger as a man he knew could snap his arm with the flick of the wrist, and that scared John. He didn’t want to walk on eggshells around Roger, but knew he now had to be careful with what he said and did.

He wasn’t sure how he felt about Brian. Brian still kept him at an arms length, and John could tell that Brian was wary about Roger being with new people. He could feel Brian trying to suss him out all day. So John thought he really had not much of an opinion on Brian, and wouldn’t be able to until the older man was able to trust him.

But as John sat downstairs, his mind kept drifting to the dark haired man who he shared a room with. From the moment John got here, Freddie was the one by John’s side the whole time. John felt like he really got along with him. But John felt guilty when his brain started to think about how beautiful Freddie’s smile was, and how nice it would be to press his lips against it. Even if John had only just met the guy, he started to feel as if he was slowly starting to fall for him.

—————————————-------------------------

As John climbed up the stairs and to his room, he passed Brian and Roger’s room, and could hear noises coming from inside. He stopped by the door, worried about what was happening. And then he realised what the noises were. They were sobs. John felt his heart stutter at the sound. He then brought his ear closer to the door. He could hear Brian murmuring a mantra of “it’s alright. You’re okay.” John realised that Roger was upset, and it became clear to him that it was due to the events that happened previously in the evening.

John came away from the door and ventured into his room. He got changed into his pyjamas and sank down onto his bed, head in his hands. He could feel the tears slipping out of his eyes, and he tried to stifle them with his hand, but they just kept falling.

“Hey what’s the matter?”

Freddie’s voice made him jump, and John’s hand flew to his chest, taking a deep breath.

John looked over to Freddie’s bed to see the other man sat facing him.

“I feel like I’ve made a bad impression,” John stuttered.

“Darling you haven’t. I promise. If you think this is bad, you should’ve seen the last people to come,” Freddie whispered, before moving to sit beside John. “I promise you John. It will be okay.”

Then suddenly, Freddie’s arms were around his body, and John couldn’t do anything but melt into the hug, letting the tears fall. And as John sat in Freddie’s arms, crying his eyes out, he realised that maybe this might be more than a crush, and he smiled into Freddie’s shoulder.

Maybe the day wasn’t as bad as he thought.


	2. And I Breathe The Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John starts to get to know his housemates a lot better, and realises things aren’t that bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi :)  
> I’m so sorry this has taken me so long to update. I’ve had a lot going on and didn’t have enough to time to finish the chapter. But here you go. Please let me know what you think. I really do love to ready your comments.  
> No major warnings apply to this one I believe.  
> Enjoy lovies <3

 Brian opened his eyes slowly and yawned. He felt like he’d only just fallen asleep 5 minutes ago. He looked at the clock next to him and saw it was about 8. Turning his head to the other side of the bed, he saw Roger snuggled into his side, softly snoring. Brian took the blonde’s hand and danced his fingers across it, watching as Roger drifted out of sleep with a yawn. Big blue eyes blinked up at Brian, and he thought that they looked adorable when he was sleepy.

“Hey,” Brian whispered.

“Hi,” Roger smiled. Brian moves a strand of blonde hair from Roger’s face and tucked it behind his ear. Roger looked tired too. Brian had sat with him all night, so they both hardly got any sleep. Roger’s face was still a bit red, and his eyes were still puffy, but Brian thought that Roger was beautiful. He placed a kiss on Roger’s lips lightly, but before he could pull back, Roger deepened the kiss. It was gentle and soft, and Brian smiled into it. Roger pulled back and looked into his eyes. Brian gave him a smile, his fingers never leaving the pattern he’d been making on Roger’s hand.

“I love you,” Roger whispered, placing his head on Brian’s chest.

“I love you too,” Brian said, placing a kiss on Roger’s hair with a smile.

 

——————————

When John went downstairs, no one else was up yet. He made himself a tea and sat himself at the small kitchen table, snatching a newspaper of the counter.

After about ten minutes, he heard the patter of feet coming down the stairs. He looked over the top of the newspaper to see Roger. He put his newspaper down, clearing his throat slightly.

“Hi,” Roger said, his blue eyes staring intently at John.

“Hey,” John replied, not entirely sure where the conversation was going.

“I- I’m really sorry about last night. I hope I’ve not scared you,” Roger apologised, eyes darting to the floor as they glistened with, what John presumed were, tears.

“No it’s fine Rog. It’s not your fault,” John said, standing up and walking over to the blonde. “Can- can I hug you?”

Roger nodded before bringing John into a tight hug, hiding his face in his shoulder as he let out the tears that were threatening to spill.

“It’s okay Roger. I promise,” he said softly.

He felt Roger nod before taking a deep breath, and pulling away from John.

“Thank you Deacy,” Roger whispered, the corners of his mouth turning up into a small smile.

A knock on the front door interrupted them.

“You can get it,” Roger said, before following John to the door, keeping his distance slightly.

John opened the door to see his dad. He grinned and pulled him into a hug, shocking his dad who was sure his son hated him.

“You okay John?”

John pulled away and looked at his dad. “Yeah I’m fine. I just missed you.”

His dad searched his face before giving his shoulder a squeeze. John followed him to the car and got out a bag full of extra clothes and his case, which held his guitar inside.

He thanked his dad before giving him a parting hug.

“I do love you son,” his dad whispered as they hugged.

“I love you too dad,” John murmured back, before waving his dad off as he drove away.

He took his things back into his house before he shut the door. He turned around and was startled by Roger who was a few inches away from his face.

“You didn’t tell us you played guitar!” Roger yelled, dramatically pointing at the bass.

Freddie and Brian then came thundering down the stairs, bumping into each other slightly, causing John and Roger to giggle.

“What’s going on?” Brian asked, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion as he tried to decipher what had caused Roger to shout so loudly.

“He’s got a guitar Bri. He didn’t tell us he played!”

“That’s what you were yelling about?” Brian muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose with an exasperated sigh. “Sometimes I don’t know how I put up with you,” he grumbled.

Roger walked over to Brain, standing on his tip toes so they were almost the same height.

“It’s because you love me,” Roger giggled.

“That I do,” Brian agreed as he pecked Roger on the lips.

“Get. A. Room,” Freddie groaned, earning a small laugh from John. Brian and Roger giggled and hugged briefly before breaking apart again.

“You know what this mean though. We can finally form a band!”

“But we already have lead guitar,” Brian interrupted, clearly stating that he wasn’t going to be replaced.

“It’s bass guitar,” John spoke up, causing the others to beam at him.

“That’s it then. We have our band!”

 

——————————-

They were in the music room, that John didn’t realise they had before he went in there, and had rehearsed together for a few hours. They actually sounded great. Their sounds complemented each other, and his and Roger’s rhythm section was perfectly in time.

“I’m going to get changed,” Roger announced, standing up from the drum risers.

“Yeah same,” Brian replied, before following the blonde back to their bedroom.

John noticed Freddie was still sat at the piano. He walked over and sat next to him on the piano stool.

“Hey could you teach me something?” John asked sheepishly earning a surprised glance form Freddie.

“Sure. Just repeat after me.” Freddie played a few notes, before looking expectantly at John. John copied Freddie, but put his finger on the wrong key on the last note. Freddie simply smiled before moving his finger gently onto the right key.

John looked up at Freddie, meeting his brown eyes. They sat like that for a moment. John could stare at Freddie all day. The weird thing was that Freddie was staring back at him too. He saw something in Freddie’s eyes that struck his curiosity, but he couldn’t think what it was.

 

“ROGER I SAID NO!”

 

Freddie and John broke their gaze and looked up, the tension from the room above seeping through the ceiling.

 

“FUCK OFF!”

 

John looked at Freddie to see that he was annoyed, pinching the bridge of his nose with his eyebrows raised.

“What are they fighting about?” John asked, keep his voice low so the others wouldn’t hear.

Freddie sighed. “I don’t know. It wouldn’t surprise me if it was some-“

Freddie paused and raised an eyebrow. John gave him a confused expression, before tracing Freddie’s eyeline. He startled backwards to find Roger stood next to him, holding out a box expectantly.

“Want one?”

John lifted an eyebrow before looking at the box. They were cigarettes. John had tried them once and coughed so much that he swore to never try them again. There was no exception here.

“No I’m okay,” John replied. Roger then walked past John to Freddie, who took one when Roger offered the box.

Roger put one in his mouth then shoved the box into a pocket in his trousers, before bringing out a match and lighting it. He lit his cigarette, and Freddie bent forward to light his as well. They then walked to the garden, Freddie stopping at the door to look pointedly at John before he got the idea to follow.

Roger was leaning against the wall, smoke billowing out of his mouth like a chimney as he repeatedly smoked the cigarette. Freddie then stood next to him, John following to stand on the end by Freddie.

“Y’know,” Freddie said, blowing smoke through his mouth, “Rog, you really shouldn’t be smoking.”

“Sorry _Brian_ ,” Roger grumbled in a condescending voice, erupting a smirk from Freddie and a small chuckle from John.

“How you getting on here Deacy?” Freddie asked, his brown eyes focusing on John. At this question, John was also met with blue eyes as Roger turned to face him.

John cleared his throat, his anxiety simmering in the pit of his stomach. If he was being perfectly honest, he didn’t know. He had only been there two days and had already experienced so much, that mostly, he just felt overwhelmed. There was so much for him to remember: the time lights are out, all the things with Roger, where he couldn’t go on the property, everyone’s powers etc. It was a lot to take in. So at this question, John did the only thing his anxiety filled brain could think of. He shrugged.

He noticed Roger’s eyes widened slightly, lingering on him for a few seconds, before he turned back to his position against the wall. Freddie was still looking at him, but a small smile had crept onto his face.

“That’s okay. I know it’s probably a bit too early to ask you that. Sorry,” Freddie said softly, his eyes searching John’s. “If it means anything, you’ve settled in a lot better than any other people. And you get on with all of us.”

Before John could answer, the door was ripped open, causing him to jump slightly at the abrupt behaviour. Brian walked straight past him, shoulders high, before snatching the cigarette out of Roger’s mouth, stubbing it out on the floor.

“Brian,” Roger whined, blowing the last bits of smoke out of his mouth.

“Rog I told you not to have one, so just be grateful I even let you have it for so long,” Brian scolded, causing Roger to mumble something under his breath.

Brian held out his hand, and Roger took it. John watched as Roger stood up from the wall, grimacing a bit, before following Brian back in, his limp a little bit more prominent than the day before. John frowned. Maybe he should ask about that.

John stood with Freddie as the other man finished his cigarette.

“Hey Fred?”

Freddie turned to him, eyebrows raised in question. “Yeah?”

“What’s up with Roger limping?”

Freddie shrugged before stubbing his cigarette out. “He has a bad knee that flares up from time to time. He’s okay.”

John nodded in response, following Freddie back inside.

 

——————————

They sat around the dinner table, the same places they were in the day before. Jim was in the kitchen, dishing up, so they were just sat quietly waiting for their dinner. Roger had sneakily climbed onto Brian’s lap, where they shared little kisses and had a whispered conversation to themselves. John felt a bit embarrassed just sitting there witnessing it, so he turned to Freddie, who was already looking at him, and smiled. Freddie smiled back and John’s heart fluttered just a bit.

Jim came in carrying their plates before placing them down. He took his seat at the end of the table before drawing his attention to the others.

“Roger?”

“Hmm?” Roger said before slapping Brian slightly. John knew Brian was giving him a one sided conversation, by the gasp Roger made for no reason.

“Sit in your own chair please. Brian is not a stool.”

Roger grumbled a few curses to himself, causing the others to roll their eyes, before he sat in his seat next to Brian.

“Thank you,” Jim said with a triumphant smile.

They sat in silence for a while, eating their dinner, before Jim cleared his throat.

“School starts back up in two weeks-“

He was interrupted by a groan from Roger.

“So I hope you all know what you are doing,” he continued.

John was confused. He hadn’t thought about uni. When he left it, he thought he wouldn’t be able to go back.

“So can we go back to uni?” he asked.

“Well you have two options,” Jim said as he placed his knife and fork on his empty plate. “You can go to university, or you can study here. Freddie goes to uni, so if you wanted to go, you wouldn’t be alone. And Brian and Roger study here. It’s up to you where you want to go.”

John thought for a minute. He loved the idea of going back to uni and loved it even more that he would be spending a lot more time with Freddie. It did surprise him though that Brian didn’t go to uni. He sounded very nerdy, so it made no sense for him to stay at the house. Then he realised, he stayed for Roger. John was pretty sure Roger was banned from leaving the house from the way he wouldn’t approach the door earlier. He could understand the circumstances, but it must be hard to be stuck here all day, which is probably why Brian stays with him.

“I think I’ll go to uni,” John spoke up, turning to Freddie who was beaming.

“That’s great. I’ll get you signed up and sorted out ready for the new term.”

John nodded. He was so happy that not all of his life had disappeared, and he would finally get some familiarity back into his life.

 

——————————

“THAT’S NOT A WORD!”

John and Brian exchanges glances. They had decided to play scrabble. Bad idea. Freddie and Roger were arguing on whether Roger’s word was real or not.

“YES IT IS YOU TWAT!”

It was slowly escalating as both men abruptly stood up, jabbing fingers at one another.John could see they were both getting angry. Brian was looking like he was contemplating what to do to diffuse the situation.

“NO I’VE NEVER HEARD OF IT!” Freddie yelled.

“THAT’S BECAUSE YOU DON’T STUDY BIOLOGY DICKHEAD. MENISCUS IS A PART OF YOUR KNEE!” Roger yelled back, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sided. Brian eyes were flicking between the two, before he suddenly stood up and grabbed Roger by the arm, yanking him out the room.

Freddie huffed and sat down.

“It’s not a bloody word,” he mumbled.

They sat in silence for a while, and John was starting to feel uncomfortable.

“Hey Fred, I’m on dish duty. Do you mind helping?”

Freddie looked at him, and his expression broke from it’s annoyed daze to a soft smile.

“Sure thing darling.”

 

——————————

As they were washing up, John couldn’t help but glance at Freddie. He was totally in awe of him. His hair was silky and framed his face in a way that made his eyes stand out. And his smile was sweet, especially when he tried to hide his teeth because he was embarrassed. But John didn’t understand why he would be embarrassed. He thought they were cute.

Freddie looked up at him from the sink, breaking John out of his thoughts. John cleared his throat, his face flushing slightly with embarrassment from what he was thinking of.

“I think we’re done here,” Freddie announced, dropping the sponge back in the sink. “I think I’m going to go to bed.”

John nodded. “Yeah I think I will too.”

 

They both crept upstairs, not sure if Roger and Brian were asleep. They got changed and got into their respective beds, whispering goodnight to each other.

John lay there with his eyes closed, thinking about the morning with the piano. He was sure he saw a glint of something in Freddie’s eyes, he just wasn’t sure what. And he didn’t want to be blinded by his crush on the man. But maybe he was overthinking it.

‘ _Maybe_ _he_ _was_ _just_ _being_ _friendly_ _and_ _just_ _wanted_ _to_ _get_ _closer_ _to_ _me_?’ John thought. ‘ _He_ _could_ _just_ _want_ _to_ _be_ _good_ _friends_ _with_ _me_ _and_ -‘

He was broken out of his thoughts by a repeated banging from the room next to him. He frowned, his eyes still closed, listening in case something was wrong.

 

“ _Yes_ _right_ _there_ _Brian_. _Right_ _there_.”

 

John’s eyes snapped open. ‘ _Oh_ _shit_ ’ he thought. It then suddenly became very clear to him that Brian and Roger definitely weren’t asleep.

 

“ _Harder_ _Brian_. _Keep_ _going_.”

 

“Oh my god,” John whispered, his eyes wide as he was scarred for life from the things his ears were witnessing.

“Get used to it,” he heard Freddie mumble from the other side of the room. John did not want to know how often this happened. He didn’t know if he’d be able to look them in the eye again.

Well, if he’s learnt anything from being there, is that Roger was very loud during sex. He pulled his pillow over his head and groaned as the banging became faster. It was going to be a long night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So next chapter will definitely be up soon with a bit more light angst before the real angst sets in. I will tell you now that this will be a rollercoaster of a fic.  
> I really hope you are enjoying this. Thank you for all the kudos and comments last time. They mean a lot to me to know you like my writing <3


	3. And I Slam The Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John feels as if he's intruding on the others friendships.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aah I'm so sorry. This was meant be posted way earlier and so I'm sorry for the wait. I do hope you like this chapter though. There is some angst, but nothing really major, and there is some fluff for Deacury fans. 
> 
> The only warnings for this chapter is some minor violence.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this lovies :)

It had been a week since John’s first day and he still felt as if he didn’t fit in. He still felt like the other three were surrounded by their own bubble that meant John was always left on the outside. He felt as if he’d settled in at the house, and he knew he had made three close friends, but he still felt a bit left out. He understood that he was new whereas they had been friends for years, so his friendships with them were nothing compared to their own, but he still had that lingering feeing of anxiousness he held on the first day.

John looked at the clock. It was just about to turn one which would mean it was his turn on the phone. Jim had explained to him earlier on in the week that they got a phone call each once a week to call their parents. They only had one phone and it cost a lot to run, and Jim used it most of the time for business calls. Currently, Brian was on the phone in the other room. John was sat waiting beside Freddie, Roger tapping a beat on his legs whilst he was sprawled across both him and Freddie. John didn’t mind. He found out rather quickly that Roger was a very affection person. It started off with pats on the shoulder, then turned to hugs, and they it was if he just didn’t care anymore and flung himself on John, just as much as he did with the other two. Freddie was humming a tune, one hand running through the blonde’s hair on his lap, whilst he looked at the fresh nail varnish on the other.

The humming suddenly stopped with a gasp and John turned his head to see Freddie looking at him, eyes wide with excitement.

“Deacy you’ve got to let me paint your nails,” he exclaimed, Roger rolling his eyes at the dramatic scene Freddie had made.

“Sure Fred. I don’t mind,” John replied with a smile. Freddie gave a huge grin and leapt up slightly, jostling Roger on top of him.

“Ahh shit. Fred,” Roger mumbled with a glare. However, Freddie only looked at him with concern when he realised Roger was rubbing his knee.

“Darling is that hurting you?” Freddie asked the blonde. Roger replied with a mumbled response of ‘its been playing up lately’, before Freddie got up, gently placing Roger back down on the sofa, before moving to another room. A few minutes later, he came back with a tea towel full of ice cubes. He sat back down, placing Roger’s top half back on his lap.

“That should help a bit,” Freddie said with a warm smile, placing the makeshift icepack on the drummer’s knee.

“Thanks Fred,” Roger replied. Freddie then resumed his humming, running his hands through Roger’s hair again.

John felt like he was intruding as he watched the other two. They had such a close friendship, and John hoped that one day his friendships with them would become close like that as well.

His thoughts were interrupted when the door opened, and Brian stepped into the room.

“Deacy it’s your turn,” Brian grinned, swapping places with John so that Roger’s legs lay on him instead. John looked at them, and they saw nervousness flash in his eyes. Roger gave him a thumbs up, and Brian and Freddie gave encouraging nods. It wasn’t that John was scared to talk to his parents or anything, he was just nervous letting them know how he was getting on. He took a deep breath and headed out the room towards the phone.

 

\-----------------------------------------------

“Hello?”

“John? Baby is that you?”  
“Yes it’s me mum,” John replied, beaming into the phone.

“Oh, I’m so glad to hear from you. We’ve missed you so much.”  
“Mum I’ve only been gone a week,” John chuckled, his eyes rolling. All the anger he felt towards his parents on the first day had vanished.

“How is it there? Have you made any friends?” came the loud voice through the phone.

“Yeah there’s three other guys here. Their names are Freddie, Roger and Brian.”  
“Are they nice? If they’re not make sure to tell me John and I’ll get you transferred straight away. There is another house-”

“Mum,” Jon interrupted with a chuckle. “They’re really nice and we all get along really well. I’m just not quite sure I fit in yet,” he mumbled.

“Oh honey, give it time. You’ve only been there a week. Get to know them a bit more and I bet you’ll become closer in no time. I’ve got to go but make sure you call again next week. Me and your dad love you.”

“I love you both too,” John replied before hanging up. He gave a little sigh before heading back into the room with the others.

 

\-----------------------------------------

They were in the music room, routinely playing their instruments as they had done the past few days. John enjoyed spending that time sharing his passion with them. All their ideas fit together so well, and when they didn’t, compromises where made so that everyone had added their own elements to the music. John could really see them becoming a well-known band.

“Hey, I think we sound really good,” John said, making everyone in the room grin at him.

“Darling we sound fabulous,” Freddie replied, his arms waving dramatically, causing the other three to laugh.

“Why don’t we book a gig? We should get out there and make ourselves known,” John said with a smile, which was instantly dropped with the uncomfortable silence that answered his suggestion.

“Darling we can’t,” Freddie sighed, eyes turning slightly sad. John looked over at Brian to see him pointedly staring at the floor as if it was the most interesting thing he had ever seen. He then looked at Roger who had his head bowed and looked as if he was about to break down.

“I … err… can’t leave,” Roger mumbled.

‘ _Shit_ ,’ John thought. He forgot about that. It had never been confirmed to him that Roger was confined to the house, but obviously his suspicions were true. John felt truly awful for bringing something up that was obviously something the others wanted to do, but couldn’t.

“I don’t mind if you get another drummer. I’ll just play with you in the house,” Roger mumbled, rising from his drum kit. “Don’t let me hold you back,” he murmured, walking from behind his drumkit and towards the door.

John looked at the others anxiously. He didn’t know how to answer that. Luckily, he didn’t have to.  
Brian suddenly put his guitar down and grabbed Roger’s hand before he could leave, spinning him so that Roger was facing him.

“We could never replace you Rog. And you’re not holding us back from anything,” Brian said, looking intently into Roger’s eyes before pulling him into his chest.

“Are you sure?” came the muffled response.

“Positive.”

Brian gave Roger a quick kiss on the head, before they headed back to their instruments and started playing again, the enthusiasm coming back.

Jim came in to tell them they had fifteen minutes until dinner so should start packing up. John could hear Roger grumble some obscenities about it being unfair to pack up so early, which received a sharp look from Brian, shutting him up.

“I think I’m going to get changed,” Brian announced, followed by a mumbled “same,” from Roger. The two left and John was left with just Freddie. As usual, John sat on the stool by the piano next to Freddie. They had been doing this since the first time, and were now able to play a small melody together. But this time, instead of starting to play, Freddie turned to John so that they were face to face.

“I heard what you said John.”  
“What?” John asked, confusion lining his face.

“You said you don’t feel like you fit in.”

John sighed and shifted uncomfortably under Freddie’s gaze. “It’s just you and the others are all so close, I feel like an intruder,” he mumbled.

Freddie grasped John’s hand and held them in his own. “I promise Deacy, you’ve become much closer to us than you think. First of all, you and Roger talk all the time. Outside of Brian and me, Roger doesn’t usually speak to anyone else properly, it’s usually just unending sarcasm spilling out of his mouth to cover up the fact that he doesn’t want to talk to them. That hasn’t happened with you, which shows he really likes you. Second of all, me and you are really close. I don’t have late night talks with all my roommates. They used to go to bed and stay in it, some of them didn’t even say goodnight. Also, we play together on the piano every day.”

John nodded. “I guess that makes sense. But what about Brian? I feel like he doesn’t trust me.”  
“He doesn’t. Hell, he’s only just started trusting me and I’ve known him for years. He’s obviously seen the traumatic side of Rog that we haven’t, so I think it’s justified why he doesn’t trust people straight away, especially when Rog is around.”

John nodded again, his head still down. Freddie put his hand under his chin and titled it up softly so that John was looking into his eyes. “I promise John, you’ve fit in here very well.”

John smiled. He held Freddie’s gaze and suddenly became very aware of the close proximity. But he couldn’t help himself when his body slowly leant forward. Part of his brain was screaming at him that this wasn’t a good idea, but John couldn’t find it in himself to care when he was so awe stricken by Freddie’s eyes. To John’s surprise, Freddie met him half way, and their lips touched. A warm sensation filled John’s brain and he closed his eyes, relishing in the feeling of Freddie’s lips against his. After a few seconds, he pulled back to look at Freddie, who had the dreamiest smile spreading over his face. John returned it and felt butterflies in his stomach that weren’t from nerves.

 

\--------------------------------------------

John’s eyes wearily blinked open, and he turned over to look at the clock beside his bed. It was four in the morning. Just when he was about to go back to sleep, he heard a loud thud from the room next to him followed by hushed talking. He saw Freddie abruptly sit up in his bed. John turned on the lamp.

“Freddie, what’s going on?” John whispered.

“It sounds like Rog is having a nightmare,” came the hushed reply.

“Do we need to get up?”

“I don’t think so. Only if it gets too bad. Brian can usually handle them by himself.”  
John nodded before yawning again. There was some more hushed talking, which was presumably Brian, before there was another thud. Then another. Then another. Then they heard something that imitated the sound of a smack and Brian cursing rather loudly. Freddie got up at that. John followed him as they made their way to the neighbouring room. They could hear a struggle before Brian’s voice was filling the silence.

“JIM!” Brian screamed.

Freddie burst into the room, John close behind. Brian was on the bed desperately trying to restrain Roger, who looked as though he was fighting someone. He was thrashing around, throwing desperate punches, luckily Brian dodging them. Freddie was immediately beside them, grabbing Roger’s hands in a vice-like grip as Roger continued to struggle. John just stood there, not knowing what to do.

At the extra restraint, Roger started to shout ‘no’ repeatedly, obviously oblivious to that fact that he was in his room, and not wherever he was in his dream.

Jim came rushing in the room, confusion turning into a questioning look.

“He won’t wake up,” Brian exclaimed, his voice shaking, and worry etched into his face.

Jim helped restrain Roger to stop him from hitting out all together, pinning him to the bed. It took a while but eventually he started to relax, and minutes later his eyes were fluttering open. As soon as blue eyes met theirs, the restraints were lifted from him, and Brian immediately pulled him closer, cradling him in arms as he brushed the stray blonde hairs out of his face.

“It’s okay Rog, I’ve got you. I’ve got you,” Brian whispered to the blonde.

He then looked up at the others and mouthed a thank you.

John realised he hadn’t moved from his position by the door the whole time. Freddie was the one to break him out of his daze by grabbing his hand, leading him back to their bedroom.

After sitting on their beds for a while, John finally spoke up.

“Does this happen a lot?”

Freddie sighed. “No. He as nightmares quite a lot, but it almost never requires anyone more than Brian. I think you should get some rest John.”

John nodded. He lay back down after whispering a goodnight, and allowed sleep to wash over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay the angst literally gets worse from here so be prepared for that.  
> Thank you so much for your lovely comments <3  
> I should hopefully have the next chapter up very soon so be on the look out x


	4. And I'm On My Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a month since John arrived and him and Freddie find out some information they wish they hadn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry for posting this so late. I was meant to post this last Saturday but i was admitted into hospital and only came out yesterday. I am okay now, but I feel so bad for posting it late when a lot of you were asking when the next chapter was. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you like this chapter :)

Over the next month, John seemed to settle in a lot more. He had become very close with Freddie. They were nothing official yet, but John was hoping they would be soon. They had shared several kisses since the first time, but other than that, they hadn’t gone any further.

John and Roger had also gotten very close. There had been no more bad incidents since Roger’s bad nightmare, and so Roger was becoming more involved. Him and John spoke together quite frequently about everything and nothing. John could now quite happily say that, other than Freddie, Roger was his best friend. John didn’t get as embarrassed by Roger’s crude jokes like he did in the first week, so he was able to just roll his eyes with a laugh instead.

He could say that moving to this house had been the best things that had happened.

As for Brian, he was still basically keeping John at arms length, and John felt especially uncomfortable when he was sat next to Roger, who was curled into his side, whilst Brian eyed him carefully. Honestly, he didn’t mind if Brian was over protective of Roger. He could understand. Roger couldn’t. John had been the witness to many fights between the two over the past month; Roger complaining that he didn’t have to be babied and everyone needs to stop walking on eggshells around him. Freddie and John has diffused many arguments before Roger could get any more worked up.

John had actually won a game of scrabble one night, much to Brian’s distaste, but the other two praised him for actually beating the ‘poodle-haired-scrabble-lord’ (name courtesy of Roger) and was forced to down two shots (courtesy of Freddie). John had never been popular in school, and so hanging out with the other three had made the past month the best in his life.

He considered Roger and Brian as his brothers, Brian undeniably being the grumpy older brother, and Roger being the fun one. He didn’t consider Freddie as a brother, more like a friend with benefits that he wanted to take further. But he couldn’t decide when the right time was to  talk to Freddie.

 

———————————

“I’m bored.”

John pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

“Joooohn.”

John looked up at Freddie with an exasperated look.

“What?”

“I’m bored,” Freddie whined.

“Yes I know Fred. You haven’t shut up about it for 15 minutes straight. Find something to do.” John said, annoyance lacing his voice. He was sat on the sofa with a book with Freddie next to him, his head hanging off the edge of the sofa and his feet in the air.

A while passed in silence, John actually being able to read his book.

“Wait I know what we can do,” Freddie exclaimed, jumping off the sofa, causing John to sigh and slam his book closed in defeat.

“What Freddie?”

“We can go look at our files.”

“What files?” John asked confused.

“ _Our_ files. As in the information they have on us. Aren’t you curious about what it says?” Freddie asked, his eyebrows raised.

John shrugged. “Yeah I guess. But I’m sure we’re not allowed.”

“Of course we’re not. But Jim’s not here,” Freddie said with a smirk.

“Yes but Brian is and if he finds out then he’ll be sure to grass us up.”

“Darling I’m pretty sure he and Roger are fucking so I don’t think he’ll be out any time soon,” Freddie laughed.

“I don’t think they are Fred otherwise we’d be able to hear them,” John grinned.

“Whatever they’re doing, I don’t think Brian will come out unless we make a lot of noise.”

John sighed before reluctantly agreeing, and before he knew what was happening, Freddie had dragged him from the sofa and towards Jim’s office.

They walked in slowly, skimming the room for something that would indicate where their files were. Freddie started digging in one of the bookshelves whilst John looked over the desk.

John noticed a file sitting on the desk and picked it up before opening. He was met with a picture of Roger. Except it for wasn’t. From the looks of it, Roger only looked about 16. And it definitely didn’t look like the Roger he knew. His blinding smile had been replaced with a snarl, and his eyes held fury that John could never imagine seeing in Roger.  He closed the file and looked at Freddie who was looking at him.

“Who’s file is that?”

“Roger’s,” John mumbled.

“You do realise that everything about him will be in that folder,” Freddie said quietly, his eyes wide.

John nodded, his eyes widening slightly.

“Shall we take it?”

John bit his lip with uncertainty. He didn’t know if he wanted to find out everything, but at the same time, his curiosity was getting the better of him.

John sighed and nodded before Freddie took the folder out of his hands and led him to their bedroom, shutting the door behind them.

They sat together on Freddie’s bed, the file sat across their laps.

Freddie looked at him for confirmation. John nodded.

The first page was nothing special. It told them his name and birthday, as well as the fact that it definitely wasn’t his parents that sent him as apparently they died in 1957.

“Wait does that mean Roger was 8 when his parents died?” John asked, dumbfounded.

Freddie nodded before continuing to read.

It then said his latest guardian went by the name of Robert Cooper. ‘Maybe that was his foster dad,’ John thought. 

They noticed some writing in red in the top corner. It read: ‘case file from last guardian on next page(s)’.

When they turned the page, they definitely wished they hadn’t. It started off stating his name, powers etcetera etcetera.  Then it went on to say abilities which made John furrow his brow. There was then a long list of things like marksman and expert martial arts, which made John become just slightly scared of his best friend. The thought of Roger, the small blonde that annoyed the hell out of him, being able to take down someone with the flick of his wrist made his stomach churn. He looked at Freddie, who looked back at him, and John could see the regret starting to settle in his eyes that they had exposed their friend’s life just because they were bored.

They started reading again and John’s breath caught. He didn’t know if he could continue reading.

It read ‘injuries sustained’ and then a long list. John gulped as he looked down the list. It consisted of several broken bones and dislocations, deep cuts, a bullet to the shoulder and a cracked knee cap.

Tears were finding their way out of John’s eyes and he took Freddie’s hand in his own. This list explained several things, such as why Roger would never take his top off in front of them (which was now obviously because he must have scars), and why he limped. Freddie squeezed John’s hand in reassurance and they made eye contact. They knew it wasn’t right to invade someone’s privacy like this, especially not their best friend, but now they’d started they couldn’t stop. John squeezes his eyes shut and blinked them open before reading again. His breath hitched.

‘Kills: 142’

John stifled a sob, pressing a hand to his mouth. This wasn’t right. This wasn’t the Roger he knew. This wasn’t his best friend. He read it over and over, and every time it was like a punch to the gut. He felt guilt creep up into him as he acknowledged that he probably wouldn’t be able to look at Roger the same way again. He looked at Freddie, and red eyes met his, sadness becoming an overwhelming factor between them.

“Freddie do you still have that record I... Hey what are you looking at?”

 John and Freddie tensed as Brian stood in the door, their eyes darting between Brian and the folder. Brian tilted his head slightly, awaiting an answer.

“Err n-nothing. Just something we found,” Freddie stammered, causing Brian to furrow his brow. He made his way over to the bed causing John to slam the folder close and hold it tightly.

“Can I look?” Brian asked, a quizzical look on his face as he approached the side of Freddie’s bed.

John gulped and exchanges a wide eyed glance with Freddie, before shaking his head.

“Why not?” Brian questioned, raising an eyebrow.

John stumbled for a response. He looked up at Brian’s awaiting eyes and immediately felt regret. He didn’t have time to give an answer before Brian swiftly took the folder out of John’s hands, earning a gasp from the two on the bed who were scrambling for an answer.

They watched with wide eyes as Brian opened the folder, seeing the picture of Roger, before looking back up at them with anger. No. It wasn’t just anger. It was mixed with disappointment and disgust.

“Why would you do this? Don’t you trust him?” Brian asked angrily, causing John and Freddie to flinch back.

Brian opened his mouth to say something when Roger’s voice pierced through the tense atmosphere.

“Bri have you found it yet?” Roger asked as he walked through the door and next to Brian.

“What’s that?” He peered over Brian’s shoulder and froze. Brian tensed before turning to face Roger. Roger’s eyes were big and his breath started to quicken as he stumbled backwards, before turning and running out the room.

Brian was soon to follow, throwing the folder in John’s lap.

Freddie and John slowly stood up, venturing out of their room to look down the corridor.

They found that Roger hadn’t gone very far, and was sunk on the floor at the end of the corridor, head in his hands and hyperventilating. Brian was sat in front of him, instructing him to breathe. They watched as Brian took Roger’s hands in his own and spoke.

“Rog I need you to listen to me. You’re having a panic attack. Do you remember the breathing exercises we have?”

Roger nodded shakily, his chest still rising and falling at a rapid pace.

“Good. Now breath in for 2. Out for 2,” Brian said, mimicking the action himself as he encouraged Roger to comply with his actions. Roger followed Brian’s instructions and after a while, he eventually had his breaths even, still a little shaky but no longer in danger of passing out. Roger collapsed forward into Brian’s arms and sobbed, burying his face into his chest. Brian held him tight, one hand running through the blonde hair as he whispered soft reassurances.

John watched as Freddie warily approached the couple. Freddie opened his mouth, most likely to offer his help, but was immediately shut down by the enraged look on Brian’s face. Freddie backed off with a soft sigh before turning back to John. John followed Freddie back into their room, shutting the door behind him.

They could still hear Roger‘s heart-wrenching sobs through the door.

 

———————————

Roger didn’t come out of his room for the rest of the day. He didn’t come out for lunch. He didn’t come out for dinner. He didn’t even come out when Brian called Jim to come back and talk to him.

This was why John and Freddie we’re now faced with a very angry Jim standing in front of them. John shifted uncomfortably under the silence, praying for the floor to just swallow him up.

“What the hell did you think you were doing?” Jim shouted. John and Freddie immediately ducked their heads, fearful of the conversation they were about to have.

“You both know full well that you don’t go in my office. And not only did you do that, you took confidential files that had no significance to you but to cure your curiosity. And he’s your best friend. To me, this is a betrayal of trust.” Jim paused, his eyes still on the boys sat before him.

“Whatever friendship you had before with him is most likely strained, or there may not be a friendship there at all. If that was Roger going through your files, would you forgive him?”

Both Freddie and John shook their heads slightly, lowering their heads even more.

“No I didn’t think so. I expect you both to sort out this mess yourselves. I’m not going to punish you as you’ll have enough guilt to deal with. But you are on dish duty for the next month.” 

John and Freddie nodded before they were dismissed. They walked back to their room and sat down. John couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. The sniffles slowly turned into streams of tears that fell to the floor. He was pulled into a hug and he clutched on for dear life as he sobbed. He could feel Freddie’s hand through his hair and his shaky breath that meant he was keeping his tears in.

They sat for a while. John calmed down enough to just sink into the hug, hands still wrapped in Freddie’s shirt, keeping him close.

“You okay?” Freddie whispered.

“We’re idiots Fred,” John mumbled. “How are we going to make this up to him?”

Freddie sighed. “I don’t know John. I honestly don’t know.”

 

———————————

About an hour later, there was a knock on their door. They shot confused glances at each other, before John got up to open the door.

It was Brian.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” John murmured.

“Can I come in?” Brian asked, his eyes flitting from John to Freddie.

“Y-yeah sure.”

John let Brian come in, who sat on Freddie’s bed next to him. John sat on his own bed and waited intently for Brian to speak.

“I just want to know why you did it,” Brian stated, a tired look on his face.

John shifted uncomfortably, struggling for anything to say, but was interrupted by Freddie.

“We’re idiots Brian. Complete utter dicks. We went in for our own files but just got sidetracked. We didn’t mean to cause harm. I’m sorry Brian,” Freddie said, bowing his head slightly.

“I’m sorry too Bri,” John murmured.

“Well thank you but I’m not the one you should be apologising too. Anyway, do you still have the folder?”

“Errr yeah. Jim hasn’t taken it yet.”

“Pass it too me. I need to know what you know. I don’t want to be the one clueless in situations where Rog needs me the most, and you two dumbasses would be the only ones who could help,” Brian stated simply, before holding out a hand, waiting for them to give him the folder.

Freddie reluctantly got the folder from his bedside table.

Brian blinked at the folder before opening it. His eyes scanned the first page, obviously nothing knew to him, then flipped the page.

“We only read that page darling and then we stopped,” Freddie said, interrupting Brian’s reading. Brian looked up from the file and gave a quick nod, before looking back down at the page.

The room was silent other than Brian’s breath that hitched from time to time. When he’d finished reading the page he slammed it closed and passed it back.

“I can’t read any more,” he mumbled, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes and taking a deep breath.

“Does it scare you? Knowing what he’s done and what he’s capable of?” John asked warily, his eyes trained on Brian.

Brian sighed. “Of course I am. But that doesn’t mean I love him any less.”

Quite frankly, it scared all of them, knowing that their best friend was practically a human killing machine. At the same time, they couldn’t imagine what life Roger had before he got to the house.

‘ _No wonder he doesn’t talk about it_ ,’ John thought.

Brian sighed again and stood up, making eye contact with the other two.

“I’m going back to my room. Don’t expect to see Roger for the rest of the night,” Brian said.

He gave them a slight smile, which came out more of a grimace, as he closed the door, leaving John and Freddie alone again in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter! Please let me know in the comments if you did x  
> I promise to post the next chapter very soon to make up for the late update.  
> Also, I am now on tumblr @spread-your-wings002 so drop by my inbox and let me know what you think and if you have any questions!!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading my lovies :)


	5. I Won't Lay No Blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys deal with the aftermath of the previous events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I know I've posted this way later than I should've but I've had so much going on that I hadn't got around to posting it. 
> 
> Anyway, this chapter is mainly just fluff with a bit of angst.
> 
> Enjoy :)

John woke up the next morning, blinking his eyes open. He turned his head towards the other side of the room. Freddie was already awake, and was sketching something on his bed. John sat up, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

“Good morning Deacy,” Freddie grinned, his eyes looking up at him from his sketchbook.

“Morning Fred,” John replied with a smile.

John got up and shuffled over to the other bed, planting himself beside Freddie and crossing his legs.

“What are you doing?”

“Sketching,” Freddie said. John leant over Freddie slightly to look at what he was drawing. He gasped, eyebrows knitting together in confusion before meeting Freddie’s eyes.

“What?”

“That’s me,” John said.

“Yes. Why is that a surprise?” Freddie asked, nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders.

“What?”

“I draw everyone John,” Freddie said, looking at John amused before flicking back through his book to show him his drawings of not only John but also Brian and Roger, and some other people he didn’t recognise.

Freddie shut the book and sighed before looking at John.

“I guess we should go downstairs.”

John gulped before nodding. He didn’t want to go down and face Brian, and especially not Roger. The guilt was still building inside him, and the anxiety rose as he thought about what Roger would say to them.

  


\--------------------

Brian woke up to a dead arm. He groaned and shifted slightly before opening his eyes. His arm was trapped under Roger who was asleep, curled into his chest. Brian slowly moved his arm trying hard not to wake Roger. Once it was free, and Roger was still asleep, Brian let out a sigh of relief before settling back down, face to face with the blonde man. He brought his fingers up to Roger’s face, tracing his cheekbones all the way down to his jaw line, before tucking some stray strands of blonde hair behind his ear. He gave a soft kiss to Roger’s head and smiled as the drummer started to stir.

Blue eyes blinked up at him.

“Good morning.”

“Mornin’ Bri,” Roger yawned, snuggling closer to Brian.

“How are you feeling today?” Brian asked, his fingers running lightly through Roger’s hair.

Roger shrugged in response, burying his head into Brian’s chest and moving incredibly closer. Brian gave another kiss to his head, before putting his chin on top of Roger’s head, his fingers never stopping their movements in his hair.

They lay for a while in silence, the only sound was each other’s breathing.

“I know you read it Bri.”

Brian blinked, confused at Roger’s statement until he realised he was talking about the folder. Brian pulled back slightly so he could see Roger’s face.

“It’s okay I’m not mad,” Roger said softly, his mouth moving into a small smile. “Well, I’m not mad at you anyways. I knew that you wouldn’t want to be left out on information everyone else knew about. And I know you were just doing it to protect me or whatever. So no I’m not mad at you. You were just being my boyfriend.”

Brian smiled as he received a kiss, their lips meeting in a way that made Brian’s heart flutter. Roger pulled away, smiling at Brian before he sighed, his expression changing.

“I _am_ mad at Freddie and John. I don’t know who the fuck they think they are, going through my personal life like it doesn’t mean anything. It’s not nice.”

Brian only nodded as he took Roger’s hand in his own, squeezing it.

Blue eyes flicked to his. They glistened with tears and Brian felt his heart clench knowing his two best friends were the cause of it.

“What if they never can look at me the same? Or they treat me differently? What am I going to do Brian?” Roger sobbed, burying his face into Brian’s neck. Brian could only hold Roger close, rubbing his hand up and down his back as the blonde cried.

“It’ll be okay my love. I promise.”

Roger looked up at him, eyes wide.

“What if you don’t love me the same way you used to?”

Brian literally heard his heart crack, tears forming in his own eyes.

“I promise you Rog, nothing could ever change how much I love you. You are the love of my life. Finding a few things out about your past isn’t going to change that.”

Roger looked at Brian.

“You really mean that?”

Brian nodded. “I do.”

Suddenly, Roger was on top of him, peppering him in light kisses. Brian quickly flipped them so he was on top, and started to do the same to Roger, making him giggle. He stopped for breath, looking into Roger’s eyes.

“I love you Roger Taylor.”

Roger laughed, pulling Brian down into a deep kiss, arms wrapped around his neck. Once they broke they pulled apart, they were mere cm’s away from each other’s faces.

“I love you too Brian May.”

\--------------------

John tapped his fingers on the table nervously. He was sat at the kitchen table with Freddie; Roger and Brian having not come down yet. He sipped his tea, his fingers never wavering from their rhythmic pattern until a hand entwined with his and held it. John turned to Freddie and gave a slight smile.

Freddie smiled back, tucking a piece of John’s hair behind his ear.

“It will be okay darling.”

John just nodded, squeezing Freddie’s hand.

Only a few minutes passed before they heard quiet mumbling from the top of the stairs. They both tensed slightly, not quite sure what would be awaiting them. Brian appeared in the doorway, his lips pressed into a thin line. John could just about see Roger behind him; blonde hair peeking above Brian’s shoulder as well as a hand holding Brian’s. Brian broke eye contact with them to turn around and face Roger. He whispered something to him and then gave him a soft kiss on the head. He turned back to them and stepped forward, Roger moving with him so that they were directly in front of Freddie and John.

They stayed in silence for a while. John didn’t dare break the quiet. He didn’t have to worry for long though as it was Freddie who spoke first.

“We are truly sorry Roger. We didn’t mean to-” Freddie began before being interuppted by Roger, who had raised a hand to stop him from talking.

“No Fred. You _did_ mean it. You both _did_ mean to pry through my personal life. But it’s fine I forgive you,” Roger said, earning a very confused look from the other three men. “I just need to know whether you still want to be my friend?”

There wasn’t even a hesitation before John and Freddie were frantically nodding their heads.

“Of course we do darling.”

“Good,” Roger said bluntly, swiping the coffee from Freddie’s hands and moving out of the room.

Brian was just stood staring, not quite believing what just happened. John looked at him and raised a brow when Brian broke out of his gaze and looked at him.

“I’m not quite sure what just happened,” he mumbled. “He wasn’t like that upstairs. He was quite upset.”

Freddie and John just looked at him with even more confusion than he felt.

“Something’s not right,” John answered, the uneasiness evident on his face.

“Even though he said he does, I don’t think he’s actually forgiven you yet. He’s just put up a front so that the topic will be dropped. And I expect he doesn’t entirely trust you either.”  
The others nodded in agreement. John hadn’t expected Roger to forgive them, and felt bad that Roger thought he had to for them to leave it alone. He just hoped that, in time, Roger will eventually forgive them. Then again, some things just aren’t forgiveable.

 

\--------------------

They spent the day lounging around. They didn’t have anything to do. They could’ve worked on their band but it normally would end in arguments and they decided that today had already been hard enough, and they really didn’t want to end up upsetting the drummer even more.

They were currently sat around the tv, Freddie and John curled around each other on one sofa, and Brian and Roger on the other; Roger’s head in Brian’s lap as Brian stroked his fingers through his hair.

John didn’t know what they were watching, he was thinking too much about the way Freddie was drawing patterns with light fingers on his hand to think about anything else. He daydreamed his way through the day, drifting along with Freddie in a comfortable haze of laziness that was only allowed on days like this; where they could just plod through the day with nothing else to do.

It was in his dreamy state that he managed to see Roger absent-mindedly rub his knee whilst he watched tv. He must have been staring a long time, because soon Freddie was tracing his eyeline and stiffened. They looked at each other and tensed, both knowing what the other was thinking.

“Rog do you think you could make a cup of tea?” Brian asked loudly, breaking the quietness of the room, and causing John and Freddie to look at him.  
“Sure,” Roger replied before disappearing. Brian immediately glared at them before standing up and walking over to them. He stopped in front of their sofa, towering over them before bending down to their eyeline.

“You can’t do that.”  
Freddie and John looked at him quizzically.

“You can’t act that way when you realise that something he is doing is because of his past. He has _always_ had a bad knee. _Always_. You can’t act now like it’s the newest thing to happen, just because you know a small part of it’s history. I told him that you would treat him the same because he was so worried about being treated differently. So stop.”

The two on the sofa gulped and nodded, immediately knowing they were in the wrong.

As Brian walked back over to his sofa, Roger appeared in the room, trying to place four cups of tea on the coffee table. The key word being _trying_.

Brian immediately got up to help as Roger started to spill the tea a bit. Once all the cups were put down, Brian scolded him.

“Why did you think you could carry four cups? You only have two hands!”  
“I didn’t want to make a second trip.”

“It’s not like you have to walk it.”

Everyone in the room giggled at Roger’s childish behaviour.

Brian sat back down, offering his hands out for Roger, who gladly took him up on the offer and settled on his lap.

John watched the couple with a smile. He hoped one day he and Freddie could be that close. He knew he couldn’t rush into the relationship, but he just wanted it so badly. He really did like Freddie. He just hoped that one day it would be more than like. It would be love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter! Please let me know in the comments if you did x  
> The plot of the story really starts next chapter so get ready for lots of angst!  
> Also, I am on tumblr @spread-your-wings002 so drop by my inbox and let me know what you think!!  
> Thank you so much for reading my lovelies :)


	6. I Won't Call You Names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected visitor causes Brian to experience his worst nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this might've been the quickest I've ever updated this!  
> But anyway, this is where the main story story starts and let me tell you, shit really hits the fan.  
> This chapter is mainly angst with more angst, but there is a little bit of fluff in the beginning to make up for it. It's not a long chapter though because everything that happens is within a couple of minutes.
> 
>  
> 
> *TRIGGER WARNING*  
> Past abuse/trauma

John was sat next to Freddie on the sofa, watching some boring television show. Jim had left for two days, meaning they were left to their own devices. This meant that poor Brian had spent the day running around after Roger who was desperately trying to get the alcohol out of the cupboard now that Jim wasn’t around to stop him. But after Brian had threatened to throw his cigarettes in the bin, he surrendered, and so was now draped across Brian’s lap on the other sofa, pinging Brian’s curls, whilst Brian had an expression that John could tell was irritation that he was trying to suppress.

It had been nearly a month since the folder incident, and it was mostly forgotten. John tried not to think about it, especially when Roger would do something to make their eyes widen, like the time Freddie and him were play fighting and Roger practically kicked Freddie’s ass in a matter of two moves. But sometimes, John couldn’t help but feel immense guilt every time he was reminded of what he did. It seemed as if Roger had forgiven them now, as he started to become his own self again, much to everyone’s joy.

A knock at the door pulled John from his thoughts, and he looked at the others confused. They hardly had anyone knock on their door unless Jim had invited someone.

“I’ll answer it,” John announced as he stood up and walked to the door, the others getting up too, intrigued at the visitor. They did hang back though so they weren’t in sight, but close enough to hear the conversation, so that John didn’t feel too crowded. John took a deep breath and opened the door.

It was a man, probably touching six foot with cropped brown hair and a smirk that made John want to disappear.

“Hello? Can I help you?” John asked, lifting a brow at the man inquisitively.

“Hi, I’m Rob Cooper. I left something here a while ago and have come back to collect it.”

As soon as the name was uttered, the whole room became tense. John didn’t dare look back at Roger. Not only did he not want to give it way that Roger was only in the room next to him, but he was also scared about Roger’s reaction

“What?” John asked warily.

“Roger.”

“Roger Taylor? No he’s not here. He left a while ago when he moved to the other house,” John said, desperately trying to keep his voice steady.

“Oh... well if you see him tell him I’m looking for him,” Rob said, his eyes flicking over John, obviously not quite believing John’s lies. But he seemed to let it go.

“Will do,” John said, faking a smile.

The man nodded, before leaving.

John watched him drive away before shutting the door and turning back to the living room, holding his breath as he watched the scene unfold.

 

——————————

Brian hung back in the living room, Roger next to him. They listened as John opened the door, but as soon as the name was heard, Brian felt his breath leave him and he watched as Roger took a step back with wide eyes. Freddie was straight next to Brian. They didn’t dare move, not until Brian could speak. But they couldn’t say Roger’s name until the man had left. So they waited, and as soon as John was back in the room, Brian stood straight in front of Roger.

“Roger listen to me. Your okay. Everyone’s okay. He’s gone. Roger it’s-” Brian couldn’t finish his sentence. A fist collided with his nose, and he felt the crunch of bone as his head whipped back and he stumbled into Freddie. He was just able to see Roger snarling at them before he disappeared.  
Brian quickly ran around the house, ignoring the blood flowing out of his nose, desperately trying to find the blonde. It wasn’t till he and the other two had checked every room that he realised he was gone.

_Roger was gone._

Brian couldn’t breathe. He felt hands gently push him down onto the sofa, and another hand wipe away the blood streaming out of his nose. A sob ripped through him and hunched over, head in his hands. Warm hands moved up and down his back as he cried, his body shaking with fear and panic.

He looked up, Freddie and John in front of him. They had panic written all over their faces.

“He’s gone,” Brian whispered. “He’s never left before. And now he’s not even coherent. He could be anywhere. I don’t know what he’s capable of when he can’t be snapped out of it.”

Brian wiped the tears that fell down his face before locking eyes with his band mates.

“What are we going to do?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh I know I left you on a cliffhanger but I promise I will post the next chapter either later today or tomorrow because I don't like to leave you hanging!  
> I hope you are enjoying the story, and I'd love to hear how you think this is going to go. Your comments mean so much to me.  
> Anyways my lovelies, the next chapter will be up soon :)


	7. 'Cause I've Made My Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger is missing and the boys don't know what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you I wouldn't leave you hanging! This next chapter is still very angsty, especially near the end, and don't think it will stop after that! Also, I know some of yoou didn't know who Rob was - he is mentioned in chapter 5 when they are looking through Roger's file. I have tried to put more context in this chapter so you know who I mean.  
> My tumblr is in the end notes if you want to check it out x
> 
> Anyway, enjoy :)
> 
> *TRIGGER WARNING*  
> Blood and violence

John watched as Brian paced back and forth, hands running through his hair. Brian hadn’t stopped. As soon as he had calmed down, he had been pacing back and forth, frantically searching his mind for answers.

It had been two days.

 _ _Two whole days__ since Roger had disappeared. As soon as they got their panic mostly under control, Freddie had called Jim, urgently telling him to come home. So Jim had. But they were no where closer on finding Roger. The news had told them that there was a killing spree happening across England, and they could only guess it was Roger. It had to be Roger. It had frightened them all, and Jim was desperately ringing round the country in hopes that someone had seen him.

In some ways, John was glad they had read Roger’s file, because otherwise they would have no clue what was going on, and they wouldn’t understand who the man was. John felt bad for mistaking Robert for Roger’s foster dad. Because he obviously wasn’t. In John’s eyes, he was the sick bastard that had made Roger’s life hell, and it made John’s feel sick that he had actually come in to contact with the person who had done this to his best friend.

 

John was sat on the sofa again, Freddie next to him who was mindlessly watching the tv. John knew he wasn’t actually watching it, as his eyes didn’t trace anything happening on the screen, meaning he was lost in thought. Jim was upstairs in his office, still calling around for answers. John looked up at Brian, who had stopped pacing but was balling his hands up in his hair.

“Brian calm down. I’m sure it will be okay,” John said, not quite believing his own words. “John, what happens if he doesn’t come back? The police are already after to him, and so is that prick… what happens if they find him before we do?” Brain asked, his face showing how painful the situation was. John didn’t know how to answer, but was relieved when Brian finally sat next to him.

“This is my fault,” Brian muttered, earning a shocked look of disbelief off both Freddie and John.

“Why would you say that Brian? How is any of this your fault?” Freddie asked.

“I new he shouldn’t go near the door, but I let him anyway. If he hadn’t had heard him, he wouldn’t have disappeared in such a bad state.”  
”Brian no,” John said, placing a hand on his knee. “Please don’t blame yourself for this. This was no one’s fault but that twat. We are trying just as much as you are to get him back.”

“I can’t lose him John,” Brian whispered, a tear falling into his lap. “I don’t know what I’d do without him.”

John just pulled Brian into a hug and let him cry into his shoulder. He was unsure of what else to do. He couldn’t tell Brian it would be okay, because he didn’t know anything for certain.

He broke the hug when the tv suddenly got louder.

‘ **BREAKIING NEWS** ’ flashed across the screen, and John held his breath, feeling both Brian and Freddie do the same. The screen changed and a reporter came on.

‘We have found the serial killer who has been killing all over the country. It looks as if he has ‘special abilities’, so specially trained police are cornering him.’

John heard Brian sob next to him when the camera turned onto a blonde man, blood covering him, knife in hand and a body at his feet, whilst the special weapons were trained on him. When the man looked up, John knew it was him. He couldn’t mistake those blue eyes with anyone else. He held Brian closer as they watched the scene unfold.

‘Put your hands up’ they heard a policeman shout over his gun, only getting a smirk from Roger in response, who continued by throwing the knife in his hand straight into the policeman’s chest.

Then there was gunfire.

John saw Brian shut his eyes. He couldn’t watch it, and John didn’t blame him. John couldn’t see if Roger got hit, but suddenly the room went quiet as the men on the tv looked around in disbelief.

‘He’s gone’ they heard them shout, before Freddie abruptly turned off the tv. John connected eyes with Brian once he had opened them, and was about to say something, but was interrupted by the sound of stumbling in front of them.

They looked up to see Roger. Eyes wide, covered in blood with a hand to his stomach.

John and Freddie didn’t move, not sure if this was actually Roger or not. But Brian hesitantly stood up, still keeping his distance.

“Roger?”

“Bri,” came the whispered response. Before any relief could hit them, Roger started to stumble forward more. Brian was quick to move before Roger hit the floor. He knelt down putting Roger in his lap, scanning his body with his eyes.

John got down on the floor with him, and both of their eyes locked on the blood gushing out of Roger’s stomach.

John could vaguely hear Freddie screaming for Jim, and Brian murmuring apologies as he took his jacket off and pressed it into the wound, causing Roger’s eyes to bolt open. John mindlessly took over from Brian, holding the jacket onto the wound tightly, as Brian got into Roger’s eye line, stroking his face and telling him it will be alright. All he has to do was hold on.

But looking down at Roger, the amount of blood still flowing out of him, and the way his skin was slowly turning a sickly shade of grey, John didn’t know if Roger had enough strength in him to fulfil Brian’s wish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaah I know another cliffhanger! I'm sorry I just can't help myself! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I apologise for the short chapters today, but both chapters were basically like part 1 and part 2 if that makes sense. 
> 
> Also, I am on tumblr @spread-your-wings002 so drop by my askbox and let me know what you think!! If you have any HC's as well, I'd love to hear about them! I’d also be very happy to discuss or answer any questions about this story :)  
> Thank you so much for reading my lovelies :)


	8. And I Won't Look Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys and Jim desperately try to help Roger before it’s too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry. I know I should’ve posted this earlier, and I was meant to post it yesterday, but everything has just been so busy that I didn’t have enough time to upload it.   
> Also thank you so much for so may of you commenting and letting me know how much you are enjoying the story. It really means a lot to me and you guys are the reason I’m still writing this :)  
> My tumblr is in the end notes if you want to check it out x  
> Anyways, I hope you like this chapter, just get ready for a lot more angst!
> 
>  
> 
> *TRIGGER WARNING*  
> Blood and medical procedure

Brian was frantically tapping Roger’s face lightly, desperately trying to keep the drummer awake as he looked just about ready to slip out of consciousness.

“Roger please keep your eyes open. Just look at me.”

Droopy, lazy eyes landed on Brian and sluggishly blinked.

Jim was next to them in an instant, taking over from John, and pressing down a lot harder causing Roger to whimper loudly in pain.

“What was he shot with?” Jim asked urgently, looking amongst the other three bandmates.

“I’m not sure,” John said shakily. “They said something about them being specially trained.”

Jim mumbled a quiet ‘ _shit’_ before looking over Roger. He noticed how the colour had drained from his face, and the slight tremble of his hands that weren’t just from the pain.

“I need to get this bullet out. It’s killing him.”

“What?” Freddie asked sheepishly from where he was stood.

“It’s not a normal bullet. He’s losing colour and shaking... I’ve seen it before. It drains you of your power until you’re basically nothing. Meaning, unless I can get it out, it’s a death sentence.”

Everyone’s eyes widened in response to Jim’s statement.

“What can we do to help?” John questioned.

“We need to get him into a bed. Brian, you help me carry him up. John, you get the first aid kit. And Freddie, get the gold handcuffs from my desk draw.”

“What do we need those for?”

This was the first time Brian had inputted his own voice into the conversation, breaking his small whispers that he’d continued to try and keep Roger awake.

 

Brian knew what the cuffs were. They’d used them on Roger before, right when he first arrived at the house. It didn’t let Roger use his powers, and Brian had to watch as Roger became frustrated to no end.

“Firstly, I don’t want him to teleport in the middle of it. And secondly, we are not 100% sure that this is a coherent Roger,” Jim stated. The others nodded before following Jim’s instructions.

 

———————

John and Freddie watched as a barely conscious Roger was gently placed on the bed, having already got their required items.

“Freddie...” Jim said, holding out a hand to the singer. Freddie placed the handcuffs in the supplied hand and they watched as Jim carefully placed the handcuffs around Roger’s wrists.

“I’m going to have to do it now.”

The others nodded. They watched as Jim ripped Roger’s shirt open, giving them a better view of the bullet wound.

John tried hard not to gasp at the sight of Roger’s chest being exposed. Not only was it the sight of the bullet hole that made him feel queasy, it was also the sight of scars from old wounds that littered the blonde man’s torso.

He watched as Jim started to look through the first aid kit. It was a massive box, too heavy for anyone to lift, courtesy of Jim being a trained medic, so John was glad to have his powers. He just let the box float in front of him as he lifted it and brought it up the stairs.

Jim laid out the equipment: a pair of scissors, lots of bandages and gauze, a needle for stitching, as well as a small tray. He was still rummaging around the box, muttering things to himself before stopping and giving a wide eyed look to Roger, then Brian.

“I don’t have any aesthetic.”

Brian’s eyes widened, but he stayed silent, nodding shortly.

“All of you need to help me hold him down. This is going to hurt.”

The others gulped before getting into a position: Freddie and John got a leg each and Brian held his shoulders and chest down, keeping in Roger’s eyeline.

Jim pulled on some latex gloves, before doing a once over of his equipment.

He took a deep breath, eyeing the wound carefully to see if he could spot the bullet. It wasn’t extremely deep, and he could just about see it, so he decided to just use his fingers.

He looked around to the others, who gave him a nod to go ahead, before he carefully stuck his fingers in the hole.

Instantly, Roger’s eyes flew open and his back arched as he let out a guttural scream. They desperately held him down as he tried to kick out and buck upwards, trying to get away from the pain that was being inflicted on him.

Jim didn’t stop though, he just kept going, so very close from reaching the bullet.

Roger was writhing around, tears running down his face as he let out choked cries.

Brian was whispering a mantra of apologies as he lingered over the man’s face, and John could see that Brian was trying to hold it together for Roger’s sake.

 

Jim was so close to the bullet, he just had to go a little deeper. As he did so, Roger’s breath caught in his chest and he bucked up slightly, before his eyes rolled back and he was suddenly limp underneath them. They didn’t let up their positions though, just in case he came back into consciousness. 

Finally, Jim pulled his hand back, bullet in his fingers. He placed it in the tray before looking back over Roger. He inspected the wound, and found that the damage wasn’t too extensive.

 

Brian was quietly crying to himself, his hands still cupping Roger’s face as he sobbed through broken apologies, clinging to the limp form of his boyfriend like it was his only chance to survive.

John and Freddie were still holding Roger’s legs from the foot of the bed, and they watched as Jim’s fingers began meticulous work as he stitched the wound, before placing a large bandage over Roger’s stomach, and taping it in place securely.

He sat back on his heels and took a deep breath.

“We just need to get him comfortable now. He needs rest, and he won’t be waking up any time soon.”

The others nodded in agreement, still in shock from the whole situation to even form words. Except Brian, who wasn’t really paying any attention to anyone but Roger, as he gently stroked his face, guiding blonde hair behind his ear, still whispering reassurances to the unconscious man.

Jim placed a hand lightly on Brian’s shoulder, causing the man to break out of his daze and look up at Jim. His face was red from crying, and they all could tell that he could break down into sobs at any minute, just from the pure look of devastation that lingered in his eyes.

“Brian,” Jim said softly, surprising John with the tone of voice, as it was completely the opposite to the commanding one they had just witnessed.

“Brian I know this is hard but I need you to help me. I need to clean this bed up of blood, so we need to move him to your bed. Do you understand?”

Brian nodded before getting up from his bent over position on the bed, and swiftly lifting the drummer into his arms.

They all followed Brian to his and Roger’s room where he placed Roger under the covers, kissing his forehead lightly.

“Once I’ve cleaned up the blood, I will go out and get some strong painkillers for when he wakes up. I’ve got to start a drip as well so I will pick up an IV bag while I’m there,” Jim stated, referring to the hospital in the next town that generously offered them supplies when needed.

He looked over once more at the scene before him: the pale looking Roger nearly vanished under the white sheets, Brian sat beside him, completely and utterly heartbroken at the sight of his lover in such a state, and then Freddie and John who were holding hands, searching for comfort from one another as they looked on over their best friend.

Jim sighed, before leaving the room, only to stop abruptly when a thunderous shout boomed through the house from outside.

“ITS THE POLICE. OPEN UP!”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another cliffhanger?? I just can’t help myself I’m sorry. I do hope you are enjoying this and don’t be afraid to let me know!
> 
> Also, I am on tumblr @spread-your-wings002 so drop by my askbox and let me know what you think!! If you have any HC's as well, I'd love to hear about them! I’d also be very happy to discuss or answer any questions about this story :)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading my lovelies :)


	9. I've Turned My Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The police have come looking for any signs of Roger, and John is forced to think of what will happen if the drummer is found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally a new chapter! I hope the last cliffhanger wasn't too bad. 
> 
> Thank you so much for your comments, and to those of you that have messaged me through tumblr! My tumblr is in the end notes if you want to come and say hi :)
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional, so everything medical wise is from my own knowledge and research, therefore not always being accurate.

John’s eyes went wide and he felt the panic rise in his chest. He instinctively grabbed Freddie’s hand, who squeezed it in reply. John knew they couldn’t move Roger any more than they already had, so there was no option to hide him. But John also knew that if the police came in, they would find Roger and take him away; even in his injured state .

Jim turned to them, not looking quite as panicked as John thought he’d be.

“Stay here,” he said. “Don’t move anywhere.”

And with that, he walked away to the front door.

 

The room was silent, except for the slight shuffling sounds of John and Freddie’s feet as they moved to sit by Brian. Freddie rubbed a hand up the brunette’s back. Brian was no longer sobbing, but there were tears falling down his face as he held onto the limp hand of the unconscious blonde.

They heard voices from downstairs, followed by a flurry of footsteps that alerted them that several people were running around their house. With every ‘CLEAR’ that was shouted, John flinched. And as it got louder, the three concious men shifted so they were all close to each other, looking like a barricade, sheltering Roger from the oncoming intruders.

Finally, they heard as footsteps made their way into the room next to them, the door slamming open, causing the walls to groan in response. As soon as the word was shouted, the person moved out of the room.

John held his breath. This was it. They were going to lose Roger. He knew that people didn’t like those with ‘special abilities’ which was why they were at this house in the first place. It was hard for them to get a job, or get a house, as they weren’t even allowed to hide their abilities. It was a legal obligation to state it, so when people saw their profile, they were automatically turned away. John had been turned away from a college once. They stated they were only a college for humans and not ‘his kind’. John just didn’t understand. He was just the same as everyone else; he was still human, just with an extra trait. He’d also heard how the government had used them for experiments, claiming to have a ‘ _ _better insight without damaging humans__ ’. His parents had tried to shield him from it, hiding newspapers and banning the news, just so he could think of himself as normal for a little bit longer. Until he’d grown up to find that his innocence as a child had made him oblivious to the outside world and how he was going to be treated by others.

So this scared him, knowing that Roger would be taken into the hands of people that wouldn’t care about him, wouldn’t love him. And John didn’t know what would happen if he was ripped away from Brian. It would damage both of them.

John had gotten to see a side of Brian that he hadn’t before. As soon as Roger went missing, Brian went from his calm, gentle manner to being either frantic with panic as he tried to grasp onto any leads that would find Roger, or being so depressed he wouldn’t leave his bed, his answer being ‘ _ _why would he get up if Roger wasn’t there?__ ’. John briefly wondered if Brian was ever like that in private; if Roger was the one that would pull Brian out of the depths of his depression.

 

The door to the room opened, and they all held their breath. They clung to each other even tighter, not willing to move in the slightest. The man in the door was an armed policeman, protective gear covering him from head to toe and a gun in his hand. They watched as his eyes scanned the room, before shouting ‘CLEAR’ and moving out.

John was so confused, he hadn’t realised he was still holding his breath until he became slightly light headed. He glanced around at Brian and Freddie, who looked just as confused. But with closer inspection, John could see the relief wash over Brian at the thought of Roger being safe here, and that no one was going to take him away.

They still didn’t move. They still didn’t speak. They just waited until the never ending sound of footsteps slamming into the floor faded to the sound of voices. John could pinpoint one. It was Jim. He couldn’t hear what he was saying, but he sounded calm enough for John not to worry too much.

Eventually, the front door was closed, and Jim came hurrying back up the stairs to the room. He entered with a smile.

“Jim what just happened? Why didn’t they see us?” Freddie asked, inquisitiveness lacing his voice as he lifted a brow.

“That was me,” Jim smirked.

“What was you?”

“That was my powers,” Jim continued.

“I didn’t know you had powers,” John stated, and from the look on his bandmates’ faces, they hadn’t either. Jim gave a slight chuckle.

“I can alter people’s perception, basically making them see what I want them to see. Therefore, I made them see the room exactly how it is now, except without any of you in it.”

They were dumbfounded by Jim’s knew information. John had never gave it a thought, and he was shocked to learn of the older man’s powers.

Jim opened his mouth to continue when there was a groan coming from the bed. All heads whipped around to face the bed where Roger’s face was scrunched into a frown, his eyes still closed.

“Right, I’m going to have to go and get the painkillers now. He seems to be waking up a lot quicker than I thought he would,” Jim announced, looking over Roger for any more signs of him coming back into conciousness. “Can one of you wash the other sheets for me while I’m gone?”

Freddie and John nodded before Jim was hurriedly walking out the room.

Brian was hovering expectantly over Roger, hoping that the blonde would wake up. He hated to see him so much pain, but he had missed him so much that he just wanted to see his eyes again, an confirm that this was actually his Roger, and not the Roger that had left two days before. However, he didn’t stir again, fortunately for Roger as he had no pain killers yet, but still unsettling for Brian who had to watch as he lay unconscious.

 

\-------------------------------------------------

By the time Jim had come back, Freddie had cleaned the blood stained sheets from the other room, and they were all sat around the bed with an awake Roger who was clearly in a lot of pain. His face was held in a frown, and he didn’t dare move in case it caused more pain. He was breathing in small pants and held Brian’s hand in a death grip, who was trying hard not to show that Roger was holding his hand so hard that he thought his bones might actually snap. But he knew that whatever pain he was in was nothing compared to Roger’s. Not only was it the bullet wound that was causing him a lot of pain, it was also his body trying to get rid of the effects the bullet had on him.

Therefore, as soon as Jim had came back, John and Freddie had instantly ushered him upstairs. He immediately set to work, inserting the cannula into the the back of Roger’s hand, and setting up the IV line.

“Hurry up Jim,” came a huffed whisper through gritted teeth.

Jim looked down at the blonde with a small smile.

“Glad to see you’re back to normal.”

Roger only looked at him with pleading eyes, and Jim pushed the medication into the cannula,before attaching the wire to a bag that he had hooked over the back of the bed, to keep him hydrated.

After a few minutes, Roger started to relax, and his hold on Brian steadily dropped. Brian mouthed a thank you to Jim, who nodded before packing away his stuff and turning to Freddie and John.

“Would you mind going and making dinner? I’ve got a lot of paperwork and calls to do.”  
They aforementioned two nodded, giving a last glance at the drummer, before exiting the room.

 

\-------------------------------------------------

Before Jim left, he showed Brian how to insert the medication so that he wouldn’t have to come every time, then left him with a sad smile. Roger was still awake, just not entirely lucent. Brian made his way around to the other side of the bed, before gently pulling up the covers and sliding in next to his boyfriend. He threaded his fingers through blonde hair, stroking it in a soothing motion. Roger rolled his head to face him and smiled lazily.

“Hey,” he rasped.

“Hi,” Brian replied with a small smile. “I’ve missed you Rog.”

Roger’s face fell at that and gave Brian gave a confused look. “Where did I go?”

Brian actually wanted the bed to swallow him up.

__Why hadn’t thought of this before?_ _

He knew that after an incident, Roger didn’t really know what had happened, and would only put together what he did from the situation he found himself in when he came back to normal. Only this time, he was barely concious. Roger obviously had no clue what was happening. He hadn’t asked why he was in pain, so it showed that he was too out of it too care. Which meant Brian couldn’t tell him anything without it going in one ear and out the other. He would have to wait until Roger was feeling a bit better.

 

How was he going to break the news to Roger that he had became the number one murderer in England?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter, and don't think the angst will stop here! We've still got at least another 10 chapters to go :)
> 
> As always, I am on tumblr @spread-your-wings002 so drop by my askbox and let me know what you think!! If you have any HC's as well, I'd love to hear about them! I’d also be very happy to discuss or answer any questions about this story :)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading my lovelies :)


	10. On Those Endless Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian has to break the news to Roger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi lovelies! I hope you like this chapter. It's a lot longer than the past two to make up for them being so short. There is also some more Deacury for those of you that have requested more. I also want to thank you for all the sweet comments :) My tumblr is also in the end notes if you want to check it out!
> 
> Anyways, here is chapter 10
> 
> *TRIGGER WARNING*  
> Mentions of violence and panic attacks.

“What are you saying Brian?”  
Brian words halted in his throat. Roger was already angry enough, and he didn’t want to set his temper off by not telling him what he was on about.   
It had been several days of coaxing Roger into a completely sober conciousness, and for the handcuffs to come off, before Brian could even think about approaching the topic everyone had been tiptoeing around. He currently had Roger propped up by what must have been at least five pillows, the blonde still just as deathly pale as he was three days ago. He wasn’t on as many painkillers anymore, stubbornly refusing to take any until they had to actually physically manhandle his arm so they could push some into the cannula.   
Brian had stayed beside Jim as he changed the bandages every time. The first time, he had to swallow down the bile that threatened to escape his throat every few seconds. But by now, he could actually change the dressing himself, having seen it done so many times.   
The only time Roger got out of bed was to the toilet, and the whole way there and back, he would grumble about everything; ‘I can do this by myself Brian,’ becoming a quite frequent comment, which Brian would always respond by taking his hands away from Roger’s waist (not completely, he’s not that cruel), in which Roger would hurriedly grasp for Brian’s arms back, not being able to support his weight properly.   
But other than that, Roger had stayed sitting bed, being too loopy on meds for the first two days, and then just in too much pain for the remaining days. Brian had sat with him most of the times, but John and Freddie had come to sit with him as well, trying not to show how uncomfortable they were, even though they couldn’t have been more obvious if they tried. Which was the whole reason Brian was in this situation in the first place.   
He wanted to broach the subject in his own way, making sure to keep Roger as emotionally stable as possible in the given circumstances, taking on a calm manner and being sensitive, opening himself up for Roger so he was there if he needed him. Instead… John and Freddie had come in for an hour or so, and spent most of the time looking like deer in the headlights. Roger, now a lot more coherent than he was a few days ago, detected something was wrong straight away. Sure, he knew he must have been triggered, and that he must have left the house in order to get shot (because there was nothing else that could create a wound like that). Roger wasn’t a stupid man, and Brian knew this. So, when the blonde sent a disapproving glance to Brian after Freddie had skipped around what they had been doing for the past week, stuttering as he tried to come up with an answer that could at least be deemed as valid. Brian had ushered John and Freddie out, complaining of Roger not being able to rest when they were flustering around him.   
And Roger was straight to it.  
”What happened Brian?” Roger had asked, face contorted into that of utter annoyance, having been left out of this circle his bandmates had going on.   
Therefore, Brian then spent a good five minutes stumbling over a vague story that Roger would have to put together himself if he wanted some sort of answer. Brian swerved past every crack in the persona he had created in the few days so that he wouldn’t fracture under Roger’s intense demand to know what had happened. Because in all truth, Brian didn’t want to tell Roger what happened; he would rather dodge around the subject for the rest of his life than to tell his lover that he had slaughtered half of England’s police force in a murderous wave.   
“Brian just spit it out.”  
Brian halted. He couldn’t keep this from Roger. Even if he thought it would be better to just pass through life on a withering lie, he couldn’t keep Roger’s wrong doings in his own mind… he would go mad. And he knew Roger would not relent until he knew the truth. He just had to tell him.   
Brian stared at Roger, seeing the desperation for some sort of idea of what he did; of what happened. The older man took a deep breath.   
“Do you remember what happened before Roger?”  
Roger nodded. “Yes I remember who came to the door,” he muttered, the last traces of anger slowly dissipating.  
“Well that’s when you were triggered. But it wasn’t like normal… I couldn’t snap you out of it. I couldn’t ground you. And then… and then you punched me before disappearing.”  
Roger gasped, a hand flying to his mouth in an attempt to block the stifled sob ripping from between his lips.   
“Brian,” he whispered, his eyes shining with compunction. “I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to.”  
“I know,” Brian reassured, placing a hand of Roger’s, who gratefully held onto it. Brian squeezed the smaller hand gently, offering a small smile, before going back to his story.   
“Well… you were gone for two days. We di-.”  
”I was gone for two days?” Roger whimpered, his eyes not quite meeting Brian’s eyes.   
Brian let out a breath. If Roger was taking this bit hard, he feared how the rest of this conversation would affect him.   
“Yeah. We couldn’t find you. But… well I mean… you were all over the news,” Brian stated, his voice receding to nothing short of a whisper.   
“What? Why?” Roger questioned, his blue eyes flicking to Brian with uncertainty.   
“Rog…” Brian breathed, assessing the fragility of the situation, squeezing the hand in his grip tightly. “You killed people Roger. A lot of people.”  
“What?” came the almost inaudible whisper.   
“They only stopped you by shooting you, which is what must have broken you back into reality because you came here straight after.”  
Roger was quite after that, eyes trained on the blanket over his body, hand still wrapped around Brian’s. Brian held his breath, unsure how to continue.   
“Rog?” he questioned, breaking the silence, until Rog closed his eyes with an agonizing sob, hunching over slightly, clearly not bothered by the pain in his distress. Brian was quick to gather him into a hug, cradling him against his chest as the younger man cried.   
“It’s okay love. It’s okay,” he mumbled, pressing his face into blonde hair as he slowly rocked them in a soothing motion. “I’ve got you. It’s okay.”  
Roger only whimpered in response, dampening Brian’s shirt as he sniffled. 

Eventually, Roger calmed down to just the odd hiccup, pulling himself away from his boyfriend with a grimace as it pulled his stomach.   
“You okay?” Brian asked, noticing how a hand came to Roger’s stomach.   
“How many?” Roger questioned, voice just over a whisper.   
“What?”  
“How many Brian?” Anger was starting to present itself in Roger’s words, and Brian couldn’t tell if it was aimed at him or himself.   
“I’m not sure. I think it’s around 15.”  
”Shit,” Roger mumbled.   
Silence spread out after to that, strangling Brian with an utmost certainty that whatever thoughts were going through Roger’s head weren’t nice. Brian opened his mouth again, ready to spout off more reassurances, when Roger beat him too it.   
“I think I’m going to go back to sleep.”  
Brian nodded, taking three pillows from the bed and placing them on the floor,before helping Roger lie back, watching as the breath left his boyfriend when he moved to fast, pulling his stitches. He sat with him as he recovered, stroking shaky hands through blonde hair until Roger lay back fully, relaxation pulling at his face. Brian gave him a quick peck on the forehead and left the room, not closing the door so that Roger could easily shout down if he needed him.   
To be honest, Brian was pretty shaken by the whole incident. Having to tell someone they had killed someone was a lot harder than the conversation he had planned in his head. But then again, what was he to know. He wasn’t in Roger’s position. And he never would be. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------  
John wasn’t sure what exactly was happening. It was like he was stuck in an everlasting limbo. He was sure Brian wasn’t happy with his behaviour earlier that day, but he was also sure that Brian wouldn’t hold it against him. So he’s not quite sure where he stood with him. As for Freddie, they weren’t yet boyfriends, but they acted like they were. It was confusing, and John just wanted to take Freddie in his arms and tell him how much he wanted to call him his, to be able to kiss him when he wants, to be able to sleep in the same bed and cuddle… but it just wasn’t the right time. With everything going on with Roger, he felt selfish for thinking about his love life. He suspected Freddie must have felt similar because he kept looking at John with a lingering sense of desire. 

They were sat at the kitchen table, and John had sneakily made his way to sit on Freddie’s lap. Freddie hadn’t protested, only secured his arms around the younger man’s waist to keep him in position.   
Brian walked in, hair still messy, not having brushed it all day. He lifted a brow at John and Freddie, who just shot a cheeky grin back. John watched as Brian made himself a tea, before sitting across from them.   
“Is he feeling any better than earlier Bri?” Freddie asked from underneath John.   
Brian scrubbed a hand through his hand with a sigh. “I had to tell him.”  
A harsh stillness engulfed the room, and John felt himself looking for an answer, but all he could respond with was a small “Oh.”  
“Yeah he’s not too happy as you can imagine, but he’s sleeping now,” Brian said tiredly. The other two nodded, silence drifting over them again.   
“I’ve been working on some lyrics,” John piped up, earning a smile from his bandmates.   
“Can we see?” Freddie asked, excitement buzzing through him at the idea of a knew song.   
“Sure. I mean… it’s not great but-”  
”Nonsense darling. I’m sure it’s fine,” Freddie said with a grin.   
John smiled. “I’ll go and get them then.” He turned his head and placed a small kiss to Freddie’s cheek before hopping off his lap and heading up the stairs.   
John was humming the tune quietly as he walked up the stairs and to his bedroom, but he halted when he heard shuffling. He peered into the open door of Roger and Brian’s room to see Roger struggling to stand from the bed, face scrunched in pain.   
“Rog what are you doing?”  
Roger’s face immediately snapped to John, eyes wide.   
“Toilet,” Roger mumbled in between gritted teeth.   
“Why didn’t you say? I’ll go get Brian,” John said, before going to turn to the door.  
“No wait,” Roger called, holding a hand out to stop John from going to Brian.   
John didn’t mean to, but as he saw Roger’s hand move towards him, he visibly flinched away. He watched as Roger’s eyes widened, tears pooling in them as he looked at John then back at his hand, before disappearing. John heard the bathroom door slam behind him, and the identifiable sound of the lock sliding shut. John felt the panic rise in his throat, before sprinting downstairs. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------  
Brian and Freddie were quietly chatting to each other, Freddie telling Brian about the guitar solo he wants in his new song, when John came running into the kitchen, alarm evident on his face.   
“John?” Brian asked, standing from his chair.   
“Roger,” John said breathlessly, moving out of the way in time for Brian to push past him, running up the stairs.   
Brian saw that his room was empty, so quickly went to the bathroom, twisting the handle only to find it was locked.   
“Rog let me in. It’s Bri.”  
There was only a whimper in response, and Brian could make out few gasps from behind the door. He knew the sound immediately.   
“Roger you’re having a panic attack. I need you to breathe with me,” Brian said calmly. “Roger?”  
“Bri,” came a whimper through the door.   
“Roger I need you to sit down. Do you think you can do that?”   
Brian heard shuffling, and then a thud against the door. He concluded that Roger had used the door for support, which probably meant that he was leant against it as well. Brian mimicked what he thought Roger was doing, sitting with his back against the door.   
“Now I need you to breathe with me okay? Now breathe in for four,” Brian instructed, doing the actions himself. “Now breathe out for eight.”  
He repeated the process until Roger’s gasps had disappeared into just the odd hiccup and sniffle.   
“Are you back with me Rog?”  
“Yeah,” Roger said quietly through the door.   
“Do you think you can open the door?”  
“No.”  
Brian only sighed, leaning his head back against the door. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------  
As soon as Brian had ran off, John stumbled into Freddie’s arms, hysterical sobs ripping through his throat. Freddie held him close, stroking John’s hair as the younger man buried his head into his shoulder.   
”John what’s the matter?”  
John pulled away, tears travelling down his face. “It’s my fault Freddie.”  
“What’s your fault?” Freddie questioned, knitting his eyebrows together in a frown.   
“Roger. Why he’s locked himself in the bathroom. It’s because of me.”  
“John you’re not making any sense,” Freddie said before taking John’s hand and guiding him to a chair.   
“I flinched Freddie. He held out a hand to me, and I fucking flinched,” John got out through sobs.   
Freddie just pulled John in again for another hug, kissing the top of his hair.   
“John it’s okay. You didn’t mean it. Everything is just a lot at the minute.”  
They sat like that for a while, the stillness actually comforting as they clinged to each other like a lifeline in the everlasting limbo they had been dragged into. Neither of them were hungry, so they didn’t bother with dinner; they just made their way up the stairs in silence, passing a tired looking Brian who hadn’t changed position in the hour Roger had been in the bathroom. 

They climbed into their respective beds, muttering small good nights. As John lay there, he felt the guilt creep up on him again. He had caused Roger even more hurt by thinking he was afraid of him. Which honestly, he was. He couldn’t help it. But the image of Roger standing over bodies, blood soaking him, and the glimmer of a knife in his hand had John feeling a little bit queasy.   
He was grateful for Freddie though. If Freddie hadn’t held him and calmed him down, John was sure he would still be sobbing in the kitchen.   
“Freddie?” John whispered into the dark.   
“John?”  
“Thank you,” John said quietly.  
“What for?” Freddie asked, confusion coating his voice.   
“For being you.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------  
Brian sat outside the door for another twenty minutes after John and Freddie had gone to bed before he heard the lock slide open. He scrambled up from his seat on the floor, and opened the door slowly. Roger was still on the floor, face red and blotchy with red-rimmed eyes, a hand lightly on his stomach. He looked up at Brian, his lip quivering slightly.   
Brian bent down and held a hand out, which Roger took gratefully, before helping him stand up. As soon as the blonde was on his feet, Brian pulled him into a hug, not thinking about Roger;s stomach. The younger man cried out at the contact, and Brian cursed himself, loosening his grip on the drummer.   
“Let’s get you to bed, yeah?”  
Brian, as carefully as he could, picked Roger up. He took him back into the room before placing him gently into the bed.   
”Do you need painkillers?”  
There was a beat before Roger let out a shallow breath and nodded.   
Brian got the medication and pushed it through the cannula before tidying it up, adjusting the drip and getting into bed. He watched as Roger’s stiffness dissolved as he relaxed, the medication working it’s magic. Brian snuggled closer, curling a piece of Roger’s hair around his finger as he watched the younger man fall into a restless sleep. Brian knew that he would probably be up again in the night, ready and waiting to wake Roger out of a nightmare that was sure to happen after the events of the day; from telling him about the murders, to whatever happened with John. But, all in all, Brian didn’t mind. He let the piece of hair fall back against the pillow and placed his hand over Roger’s rising and falling chest, thankful that after all that ha happened, he had his boyfriend back. Even if it meant he would have to fix him back up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think!
> 
> As always, I am on tumblr @spread-your-wings002 so drop by my askbox and let me know what you think!! If you have any HC's as well, I'd love to hear about them! I’d also be very happy to discuss or answer any questions about this story :)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading my lovelies :)


	11. I'm All Through With Ties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Consequences from past events prove difficult for the group. 
> 
>  
> 
> PLEASE READ NOTES!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I'm on a roll! It's only been 2 days since the last update! Anyway I hope you like this chapter! And thank you for the comments and kudos! It's really great to hear what you guys think :)  
> My tumblr is in the end notes, so come and say hi!
> 
>  
> 
> !!!!!!!!!!!!!! *TRIGGER WARNING* !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> Okay there is a huge trigger for suicide so I have sectioned it off! There is a ~~~~ TW ~~~~ where is starts and ends. I will explain what happens without going into detail in the end notes for those who can't read it. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED!! Please look after yourself <3 And if you ever need someone to talk to, you can always message me on tumblr :)

John had spent the week drifting between drowning in guilt, or relishing in the closeness he and Freddie seemed to have. They were still not official, but John felt as if they were one step closer, so when the time came to ask him, he didn’t think it would be a complete shock, and hopefully wouldn’t be rejected. He didn’t see why he would; he and Freddie had become close enough to steal the odd kiss now and then, snuggling together on the sofa; just small domestic things that John was sure Freddie would have already moved away from if he didn’t like it. He loved to curl up to the older man, breathe in his scent as he pushed a hand through his hair. He loved the kisses; the way they would leave him breathless, yearning for more, even if it was just a small peck on the cheek. He loved the way the singer would wrap his arms around his waist, pulling John flush against his chest, just so they could feel the closeness between them. He loved the way Freddie made him feel like he had found the thing he had wanted; the hole in his chest from not feeling as though he belonged, finally being filled. And… he loved Freddie. He realised that now.

Even now, as John sat beside Freddie on the small sofa in the living room, he knew that if it were possible, he wouldn’t ever move. He looked up at Freddie and smiled, butterflies making his heart jump when Freddie returned with a soft smile of his own. He decided right then that he was going to tell him, because he couldn’t just sit around waiting for the perfect opportunity that may never come. He glanced at the older man again, swallowing down any anxiety that tried to make an appearance.  

“Freddie?” John asked, his voice quieter than he wanted.

“Yes dear?” Freddie replied, looking down at John with an eyebrow extended upwards. This was it. It was now or never, and even though his brain was screaming at him to not do it, he took a deep breath and continued.

“Freddie… I think I love you.”

“What?”

“I love you Freddie. With all my heart. I can’t even explain it, but I’ve never felt this way about anything before and-”

John was stopped by Freddie’s lips pressing against his. He smiled into it, pulling Freddie closer. He tasted like cigarettes and toothpaste, and John just couldn’t get enough. He pulled back breathlessly, a smile lingering on both their lips, before Freddie leant forward ever so slightly, pressing their foreheads together in a delicate example of what he himself was feeling. Brown eyes lingered on green, and for a split second, John completely forgot where he was, too distracted by what was happening.

“I love you too John.”

Their lips met in another kiss, one that left John unable to open his eyes for a second after, their foreheads still touching. Freddie had a big grin on his face when John opened his eyes.

“I have to go now darling. I have uni in ten minutes,” Freddie said, eyes still slightly sparkling.

John nodded, receiving a kiss on the head from Freddie, before watching the older man bound out of the room.

 

\----------------------------

Brian noticed all day that something was off with Roger. A lot more than usual. Since the incident with John, Roger had withdrawn nearly completely, closing off from everyone. Brian concluded it was out of fear; not just fear for himself, but for that of others.

Brian had spoken to Freddie about the encounter with John, not entirely sure what had happened.

“John flinched Brian.”

Brian didn’t quite comprehend what Freddie had said. He stared at him, before clearing his voice.

“What?”

“He flinched Bri. Roger held out a hand and John just couldn’t help it. It was an automatic reaction,” Freddie had said, his eyes holding a certain sadness that Brian had never seen him have before.

Freddie and John had mostly stayed away. Roger hadn’t left the bedroom yet; a mix between not being able and not willing to. He still spoke to Brian, but held him at a distance; “just in case,” he had said. Brian wasn’t afraid of Roger. He knew he would never intentionally hurt him. And he hated to see how this whole situation had affected Roger, making him recede into a shell of his former self.

 Not only that, but Brian no longer had his lifeline he could cling too. He could feel himself slowly slipping back into the dark depths of his mind. Normally, he would have Roger there, bringing him tea and cracking jokes, cuddling with him and assuring him he wasn’t going anywhere. But, Roger was struggling enough with the crisis he had been plunged into.

Brian just felt selfish, but they were two people in this relationship and always had each other. Always. And Brian just wanted his Roger back, as well as his support, no matter how selfish it felt.

 

However, on this particular day, Brian could tell something was off. He had awoken that morning to Roger staring at him, his face inches away from his own. Now, this wasn’t unusual for Roger… except it was. Roger had barely looked at anyone for a week.

Brian had frowned in confusion. “You okay?”  
Roger just gave a slight smile, before turning his head to face away from him. Brian’s frown deepened. He watched as a hand travelled to Roger’s stomach, and even though most of his face was turned away, Brian could see the pain lingering in his eyes. He sat up, rubbed his eyes and got out from the bed, making his way around to Roger’s side of the bed. The drummer’s eyes followed him, and he gave a little nod when Brian had held up the medication.

Brian pushed the painkillers into the cannula, giving a small smile, before depositing himself back in the bed, curling around the younger man. He slipped a hand under the covers, placing it on Roger’s chest. It was just enough to ground him. Just. If Roger had moved his hand on top of Brian’s, it probably would’ve done more. But he didn’t. But then again, he didn’t move away.

 

After a while, Roger turned over to face Brian, blue eyes searching his face. His eyes held something that was saddening, and Brian felt a pang of grief hit him. Roger brought a hand to his face and stroked the outline of his jaw gently, looking like he was trying to remember every little detail of Brian in the dim light. When Roger stopped, eyes lingering on him, Brian smiled softly, placing a small kiss to blonde hair, before leaving his partner in bed, as he went to a get a glass of water from downstairs. Brian didn’t really think much of Roger’s behaviour. Until it carried on through the day.   
They spent a few hours in bed, Brian curled around Roger. And although Roger didn’t engage much, he didn’t push Brian away either. He just lay back and let Brian smooth his hands over his body, twirl his hair in his fingers, and he even let Brian change his bandages with not much of a fuss. There was no bitching, no hisses of pain or swatting away hands. He just sat there calmly, a small smile on his lips. Only when Brian glanced up at him, he realised the smile wasn’t happy. It was sad. But he couldn’t figure out why.

After he’d changed the bandages, he gave a final glance at his boyfriend before heading downstairs for a drink. John was in the kitchen when he walked in and eyed him curiously.

“Hey Bri,” John greeted before moving towards Brian who was near the sink. “You okay?”

Brian placed the glass on the side with a sigh, bowing his head.

“No,” he whispered, his grip on the counter tightening. “No, I’m not John.”

John placed a hand on his arm, making the guitarist look at him. John’s face reflected that of his own, and Brian just want to break down right there. But he couldn’t. Not yet.

Brian filled his glass up, downing the whole thing before setting it back on the counter.

“It will be okay Brian,” John stated, trying to sound calm, though the uncertainty was evident in his voice.

Brian only looked at John, giving a slight smile, lips only just curling upwards at the ends, before heading back up the stairs.

 

****~~~~ TW ~~~~** **

 

 

 

 

 

“Rog do you want me to get you-”

Roger was sat up on the bed, head low with an object in his hand. “Roger?”

The blonde man looked up and Brian actually heard his own heart crack. The undeniable look of despair plaguing the younger man’s face made Brian warily take a step closer. He saw the indisputable glimmer of a gun and his breath hitched.

“Roger where did you get that?” Brian asked, trying to keep his voice calm.

“I can’t do this Brian,” came the broken whisper.

“Can’t do what Roger?”Brian questioned, eyebrows knitting together.

“I can’t keep being a threat. I’m putting people in danger.”  
”No Rog. We’ve got it under control. You’re no more of a danger than I am.”

Roger’s head snapped up at that, a glint in his eye that made Brian step back.

“Really? Did you kill 15 people Brian? Did you slaughter your way through the country because you didn’t have a choice?”  
Brian desperately tried to search for an answer, but was unable to give him one. “Rog I-”

“No Brian. I am a danger to everyone and I can’t spend every minute scared that something could happen and I could hurt someone… I could hurt you,” Roger cried, tears starting to trickle down his face. “I can’t do that Bri. I’m sorry.” He wiped the tears with the back of his hand before looking back a Brian, lifting an arm towards him. Gun in hand.

“Do it,” he whispered, and Brian had to use all his will power not to break down into a mess. He continued to stare at the blonde man, a look of horror on his face.

“Do it Brian,” Roger screamed, tears pooling in his eyes again.

“I can’t,” Brian whispered. “I couldn’t ever do that. Please Roger just listen to me-”

Brian stopped when he saw Roger had moved his arm so that the gun was placed to the side of his head.

 

 “No.”

 

And then his finger squeezed the trigger.

 

______________  
John heard Roger shout and was immediately running up the stairs, getting there in time to see Roger place a gun to his head. Panic shot through John and he warily walked into the room.

“Please Roger just listen to me-” Brian cried, and John watched as a finality dawned in Roger’s eyes.

 

“No.”  
  
John thanked god for his quick reaction time. As soon as Roger’s finger went over the trigger, John flicked his eyes making the gun point to the wall as it fired.   
Roger snapped his head around in realisation, and his face morphed into what John could only describe as pure lividity. He scrambled for the gun which had fell to the floor, but John used his power again, sending the bedside lamp straight into Roger’s head, knocking him out cold and creating a cut on his forehead that was slowly trickling blood.

Brian was stood completely still, shock radiating through him.

“Brian I need you to help me,” John said, moving around the room to retrieve the handcuffs that had been put in the bedside cabinet. Brian didn’t react, and it didn’t even look like John’s words registered in his brain.

John retrieved the handcuffs and placed one on Roger’s wrist, and the other around the bed post. Roger was starting to wake, and John moved him into a more comfortable position, ignoring the incoherent mumbling coming from the blonde. Brian had moved now, standing silently behind John. The bassist turned to Brian and was shocked to be pulled into a crushing hug.

“It’s okay Bri,” John whispered, feeling how Brian’s body shook with each sob that ripped through him. “It’s okay.”

“Can you stay here while I call Jim and Freddie?” John asked quietly, still with Brian clung to him. Brian nodded into his shoulder, sniffling his tears away before pulling back. John looked at Brian, then at Roger, and sighed. They were both as broken as each other, and John didn’t know if anyone would be able to fix them.

 

****~~~~TW~~~~** **

 

 

 

“Freddie?”

“John are you okay? You don’t sound good. Has something happened? Shou-”  
”Fred stop,” John said into the phone, interrupting the singer’s endless stream of questions. “I’m okay. But… I mean … I need you to come home. I’ve already called Jim,” John stuttered, trying to keep calm under his simmering anxiety.

“John, what happened?” Freddie questioned, and John was shocked by the seriousness.

“Just… come home Freddie.”

“Okay,” came the small reply before he hung up.

John pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes, willing this all to be a nightmare. He didn’t know how Freddie or Jim would react, but hoped they had more of an idea on what to do than he had. He breathed out again, rubbing his eyes, before trekking back up the stairs.

 

Roger was awake but silent, and Brian sat in front of him, cleaning the cut on his head. John walked in the room and sat next to Brian. The guitarist looked at John with a sad smile before turning back to Roger, who hadn’t even acknowledged that John had entered the room. Roger’s eyes kept flicking up to Brian, and he would nod slightly now and then. John concluded Brian was speaking to Roger telepathically. It made him feel as if he was intruding somewhat, watching them have a silent conversation amongst themselves.

The front door opened, and John was happy that he was no longer alone. Someone else would be here to help him. 

He was relieved when it was Freddie, and he immediately pulled him into a hug. Freddie wrapped his arms around the younger man, squeezing him just as tight, before placing a small kiss onto his forehead.

“What happened?” Freddie asked quietly.

“Roger,” was all John could say, his brain not able to make complete sentences.

Freddie walked past him and up the stairs, John following close behind, before a hand came to his mouth.

“Darling what happened?” Freddie asked, making his way to sit by Brian.   
Roger didn’t answer, his eyes remaining on the bed. Freddie looked at Brian for an answer, and was met with the same silence. From the look on Freddie’s face, John knew he must have realised that something was definitely wrong. For Brian not to speak when spoken to, it must have been drastic. And the handcuffs that trapped Roger on the bed were probably a give away as well.

“Fred,” John stated, catching the attention of the singer, who followed him out of the room.

“What happened?” Freddie asked, his voice low, trying not to be in hearing range of the two in the other room.

“Roger’s not handling things very well. I think he blames himself for everything that happened.”  
Freddie just nodded, still searching John’s face for more answers.

“Brian isn’t all that well either. I think without his support from Roger, he’s not coping.”

Freddie understood that. He had seen Brian at his worse. Roger was always there to pull him through it, making sure he came out the other side. And he knew what it did to Roger. Freddie had previously had to hold a sobbing Roger that was finding it hard caring for Brian, when it didn’t seem like the other cared for him. Freddie knew he cared about Roger. And it was the same now but opposite. Roger had basically become catatonic over the past week, which clearly mustn't have been easy on Brian. And now that Brian’s depression was getting the better of him, he had no one to pull him out of it.

 

They were just as broken as each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That chapter was literally a rollercoaster I'm sorry! I will let up on the angst for a bit, but don't think I won't be back with more!  
> As always, I am on tumblr @spread-your-wings002 so drop by my askbox and let me know what you think!! If you have any HC's as well, I'd love to hear about them! I’d also be very happy to discuss or answer any questions about this story :)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading my lovelies :)
> 
> \-------  
> FOR THOSE WHO SKIPPED THE MIDDLE BIT:  
> Roger isn't coping very well with the fact that he killed people, and is afraid that he will hurt someone again, which causes him to be suicidal. Before he can do anything, John knocks him out with a lamp which is why he has a cut on his head.


	12. I'm All Tired Of Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim, John and Freddie come up with a plan that may help their bandmates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! I'm so sorry for putting so much angst in the last chapter, so I will let up on it for a bit, but don't think everything's over yet!  
> My tumblr is in the end notes if you want to have a look at my blog :)  
> I hope you like this chapter!
> 
>  
> 
> *TRIGGER WARNING*  
> Mention of suicidal thoughts (from last chapter), depression and minor violence

It was when Jim came home that John finally felt as if they were getting somewhere. He couldn’t live with an everlasting black hole ready to swallow his two bandmates up, and so was glad when Jim came up with an idea that could help them. So whilst Jim had gone back out again, Freddie and John were left to deal with the last remnants of the aftermath Roger’s earlier crisis had left.  
Roger was still left handcuffed, and he hadn’t say a word other than a slight nod and shake of the head if Brian spoke to him.  
It turned out the gun was from Jim’s office which Roger must have teleported to between Brian going downstairs for a drink and coming back up. Aforementioned guitarist had cleaned and bandaged Roger’s head before leaving to talk to his bandmates, concious to leave the door open.  
“What did Jim say?” Brian asked John, fear still very evident in his eyes from the way they constantly flicked between his bandmates and his bedroom.  
“He’s got someone who could maybe help him. They’re a therapist who deal with people with ‘special abilities’ and more specifically, ones that had been used as a weapon like Roger,” John replied, hoping that Brian would see that this was a good thing.  
Brian narrowed his eyes slightly. “Roger’s not going to like that.”  
”To be perfectly frank Brian I don’t give a flying fuck if Roger doesn’t like it. If it helps him then we are going to go ahead with it,” John said abruptly, causing to Brian to take a small step back, and Freddie snake and arm around his waist to calm him.  
“Okay okay I just wanted to point out that he’s not probably not going to go ahead with your plan,” Brian mumbled, his eyes moving to the floor under John’s intense gaze.  
“I know,” John began, softening his voice and moving out of Freddie’s grip to take Brian’s hands in his own. “I know Bri. But we are trying everything we can to help him, even if he doesn’t want to do it.”  
”He’s not going to get better overnight and we know that,” Freddie said, stepping forward to rub a hand along Brian’s back as the taller man became emotional. “But we need him to be able to recover from what happened today for him to be able to even think about the rest of his recovery.”  
Brian just nodded, a tear falling from his eye, which Freddie brushed away with a thumb. “We will get him back Bri.”  
Brian just nodded again, taking his hands from John to wipe away any evidence of tears before walking back into the bedroom. 

John didn’t want to mention yet that Jim was also bringing a therapist for Brian. John knew that Roger was not in any stable mindset to be able to help Brian right now, but the guitarist really needed help before he was the swallowed by the black hole swirling around him. And he was sure the older man would take to help a lot better than the drummer. Brian knew that he had depression and that he could struggle with it sometimes, whereas John was sure that Roger would say he was fine to any therapist, even when he obviously wasn’t. However, they had to try anything and everything before it got worse.  
‘If it could get worse,’ John thought with a grimace.  
\-------------------------------

“Hi Roger, my name is Sarah.”  
Roger looked between Brian and Sarah with wide eyes, and Brian wasn’t quite sure whether it was shock, fear or anger that was dwelling in them. Brian hoped that when Sarah told Roger why she was there, he would admit that he needed help; that he wasn’t okay. However, Brian wasn’t entirely surprised when that didn’t happen.  
“I’m your therapist,” Sarah spoke sweetly, smiling politely to the handcuffed man sitting on the bed.  
”Your my what?” Roger asked, his voice a bit hoarse from not being used for a few hours, but the underlying anger caused Brian to stand closer to the bed. Just in case.  
“I understand you don’t think you need me, and that you’re perfectly fine but I won’t just walk away whilst you spew bull crap at me,” Sarah said, her face still holding a slight smile. 

Well, Brian didn’t expect that. He was glad to know that she would fight through Roger’s shit excuses until she actually got to the true problem, but he couldn’t help but think she was being a bit harsh. 

“I’m not your average therapist. I deal with people like you all the time. And yes I must admit, you are by far in my top ten worst cases, but I can help you. If you let me,” she continued, her eyebrow lifting slightly as if expecting Roger to answer. 

“Fuck you. I don’t need some woman trying to make me relive my shit show of a life, so she can rub my bloody nose in it and say that what’s happened is my fault. So thanks but no thanks,” Roger sneered, rage bubbling to the surface as he locked eyes with the blonde woman.  
“Roger I don’t do that sort of therapy,” she dead panned, obviously not happy with the way Roger had spoken to her.  
Roger did quirk an eyebrow at this, the curiosity overpowering his anger ever so slightly. His eyes also travelled to Brian for a split second, who gave him a small smile.  
“I do CBT Roger. As in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. So instead of making you work through your traumas, I am here to help you deal with them.”  
Roger blinked at her, the room slowly turning silent before he gave a slight nod. She smiled in return before turning to Brian.  
“I will continue from here by myself if that’s okay. I think he’ll do better if he’s alone.”  
Brian hesitated, flicking his eyes between Roger and Sarah, before nodding and exiting the room. 

John and Freddie were stood at the end of the hall, silently conversing between themselves but stopped when they saw Brian.  
“So?” Freddie asked, his inquisitiveness making him dive straight to the point.  
“She’s a lot more headstrong than I thought she would be,” Brian replied, a hint of a smile playing on his lips.  
“What do you mean?” John asked.  
“Well, when Roger snapped at her, starting with ‘fuck off’ and that he ‘didn’t need a therapist’, she told him she wasn’t there for the same kind of therapy he was thinking of. She’s going to do CBT with him.”  
“It’s a good thing she’s able to stand her ground then if she’s going to treat Roger,” Freddie chuckled as the other two nodded.  
They were plunged back into silence again, but this time it was a lot more comfortable than it had been when Brian was in the bedroom. He did slightly detect some tension though, by the way Freddie was fidgeting about with his hands, and how John’s eyes seem to trail from Freddie and back to him constantly.  
“Brian?”  
Brian jolted at the sound of the silence being interrupted and looked at his bandmates who were eyeing him warily.  
“There is someone down stairs with Jim we’d like you to speak too,” John announced, obviously not quite sure how Brian was going to react.  
Brian eyed them both but nodded, making his way down the stairs, where he was met with Jim and another man.  
”Brian this is Peter,” Jim said, introducing the man next to him. Peter held out a hand with a smile, and Brian shook it.  
“Peter is a therapist,” Jim announced, cautiously watching how Brian responded. Brian only nodded.  
He had seen a therapist before, way back before Roger had arrived at the house. He had had depression his whole life, but it came to a point then when he admitted he couldn’t go through it alone. And it helped, but Roger helped better.  
But Roger wasn’t here to help him, so he could see why Jim and the others thought it would be a good idea.  
Jim left the room shortly after, leaving Brian alone with Peter.  
“Jim told m you’ve seen a therapist before?” Peter asked.  
“Yeah a few years ago, but I’ve been dealing with it okay since,” Brian replied as he moved to sit opposite Peter.  
“And so what’s happened now? What has made it worse?”  
Brian looked at Peter and sighed.  
”My boyfriend. He’s the one who helped me get through my really bad days, but he’s not doing so great himself right now. In fact, he’s upstairs seeing a therapist right now.”  
Peter smiled sympathetically. “I think I will be able to help you Brian before you completely hit rock bottom. But I need to schedule your appointments at my office so you’re away from the house. Staying in the same environment is not good, and from the sounds of it, not only you but also your boyfriend both need some space from each other at times.”  
Brian nodded in response. He didn’t particular feel comfortable leaving the house anyway, and only normally did it for dropping off and picking work up from uni or going to the shops, and now that Roger wasn’t very stable, it made Brian want to stay there even more.  
But he needed to get better. Not just for himself but also Roger. He just needed to get through this dark patch, and he was sure he would be able too. He’d done it before. 

Therefore, he scheduled several appointments with Peter at his office, making sure they didn’t clash with anything.  
“I will see you next week then Brian,” Peter smiled.  
Brian only nodded, before following Peter out of the room to Jim, who showed Peter out.  
\-------------------------------

Once Brian had gone downstairs, Freddie turned to John.  
“Do you think he will be okay with it?”  
“I hope so. He seem more than determined to get Roger better, but I think he knows he needs to get better himself before he can help anyone else,” John replied, secretly hoping he was right.  
They sat side by side against the wall on the landing outside Roger and Brian’s bedroom, just as a precaution in case Roger got angry. He was still handcuffed to the bed so even though he couldn’t move around, he still had three working limbs that would happily kick or punch something if he was in a fit of rage.  
“Y’know John, I don’t know what I would’ve done without you,” Freddie said, eyes still facing forward.  
John turned his head, a little surprised by Freddie’s comment. “What?”  
”You’ve handled this whole situation so well, and I’ve felt like a fish on dry land. This is completely out of my depth.”  
When Freddie turned to face John, the bassist could see how the older man seemed upset by their surrounding situation.  
“I mean yeah I have handled this better than even I thought I could’ve. But I don’t think I could’ve done it without you. You are my support Freddie,” John said, taking Freddie's hands in his own. “And I love you. I’m not even afraid to say it anymore. I love you Freddie Mercury.”  
Freddie’s face morphed into a wide smile as John confirmed their words from earlier that morning. “I love you too John Deacon.”  
Their lips met in a kiss and John smiled, savouring the moment until a loud crash from the room next to them broke them apart.  
It was followed by a ‘fuck you’, seemingly coming from Roger. They stood up, waiting for anymore signs for them to go in, only to be met with talking. It was too quiet for them to hear, but they didn’t open the door as it sounded as if whatever had happened was taken care of. 

Shortly after, Brian came up the stairs, looking a bit better than he did before he went down.  
“Did everything go okay?” John asked.  
“Yeah,” Brian replied before sighing. “He wants to meet with me every week but I have to go to his office.”  
”That’s good though Bri. I’m glad you have accepted help,” Freddie said, a small smile spreading across his lips, before it dropped as Brian began to sniffle.  
Freddie immediately walked over to the guitarist and wrapped him in a tight hug, followed by John who did the same.  
”It’s okay Brian. I know it doesn’t seem like it now but it will get better.”  
Brian just nodded before letting go of the other men and wiping his tears away.  
He then proceeded to join them in sitting outside his bedroom, all three of them sat shoulder to shoulder.  
\-------------------------------

Ten minutes passed before the door opened and Sarah stepped out. The three bandmates stood up to meet her, expectantly waiting on what she was going to say.  
“I have scheduled appointments with him every few days for now,” she said with a small smile before turning to Brian. “I think he’s stable enough for you to take the handcuffs off, but I would keep an eye on him at all times.”  
Brian nodded, before Sarah walked past them to go and meet Jim downstairs. He looked at John and Freddie.  
“It’s okay Bri. You can go in,” Freddie assured him. Brian took a deep breath before entering. 

Roger was sat against the headboard, his wrist twisted a little bit in the handcuffs, and his eyes red and puffy as though he’d been crying.  
Brian silently walked over to him, fetching the key on the way over, before unlocking Roger from the handcuffs. As soon as he got his hand back he rubbed at his wrist that had turned an angry shade of red from where he’d been tugging a it, then turned to Brian and held out his arms for a hug.  
Brian happily obliged, sitting on the bed and bringing the younger man closer to him. He felt his shirt become slightly wet as the blonde trembled in his arms, and Brian ran a hand through his hair to try and soothe the crying.  
”I’m sorry,” he heard Roger mumble against his chest.  
“It’s okay Rog,” Brian replied, hugging the man even tighter.  
They stayed wrapped up against each other for a long time until it started to darken outside, and Brian had to lean over to turn the lamp on before taking Roger’s wrist and inspecting it under the light.  
“This looks like it needs some cream. I’ll go and tell Jim to bring some up.”  
”No,” Roger whined, grabbing a hold of Brian’s arm.  
“It’s okay, I’m not leaving the room,” Brian reassured him. He walked to the door and called down to Jim who came up in response.  
“Would you mind getting some antiseptic cream for his wrist?”  
”Sure,” Jim replied before going back down to the first aid kit.  
Brian moved back into the room, looking over Roger.  
”What about your stomach? Does it hurt?” Brian asked calmly, receiving a very slight nod from the younger man. Brian knew he would be in pain as he hadn’t taken any medication since that morning, so was happy when the younger man seemed to relax a little once Brian had given him the medication. 

Jim came back up with the cream, which Brian accepted with a small thank you. He then got into bed beside Roger, taking the injured wrist in his lap and rubbing the cream into the red skin softly. Roger was very silent, and Brian didn’t like that one bit, but at least he seemed to be not as bad as he had been earlier that day.  
Roger curled into Brian as the older man turned out the lights. The guitarist brought his hands around Roger’s smaller body, bringing them even closer.  
“You know I love you no matter what right? Nothing you could ever do or say would ever make me stop loving you,” Brian whispered, placing a kiss on blonde hair as a promise.  
“Same with you Brian. I don’t think I could ever stop loving you.”  
Brian beamed at Roger’s words, knowing that no matter what happened they would be there for each other, even if they were both just as broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter!!!
> 
> As always, I am on tumblr @spread-your-wings002 so drop by my askbox and let me know what you think!! If you have any HC's as well, I'd love to hear about them! I’d also be very happy to discuss or answer any questions about this story :) And as a side note, I always seem to be writing a lot of Joger on my blog so if you have any requests or headcanons for Joger (or any ships really) I would be happy to hear from you in my askbox :)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading my lovelies :)


	13. I'm A Happy Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger and Brian's therapy sessions have been going well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow a new update! I'm really cranking out these chapters as the minute!
> 
> There is a lot more fluff than angst in this chaper for those of you that want me to let up on the angst for a while, but don;t think eveyrhting is over yet!!  
> My tumblr is in the end nootes if you want to check out my blog!
> 
> Anyways, enjoy this chapter :)
> 
> *TRIGGER WARNING*  
> Panic attacks

Three weeks had passed since Roger’s first therapy session, and Brian thought he was doing better. He had seen how Roger was able to control his anxiety a lot better now than he had before, only now it had come out in the form of making him ill, because even though he could now (most of the time) count himself out of an anxiety attack or make more conversations, he wasn’t sleeping or eating much, which had made him look pale and Brian just wanted to swaddle him in a blanket. He had to keep a track of what the blonde was eating otherwise he would end up just having a slice of toast because his anxiety had made him feel so sick all day. 

John and Freddie had helped as well, not only with Roger but also with him. They would make sure Brian was looking after himself as well. They would also keep an eye on Roger when Brian was away at his therapy sessions. 

Freddie and John had also become boyfriends, however hadn’t told anyone else. They had pushed their beds together so they could cuddle at night, and when no one was looking they would share the odd kiss now and then. They still hadn’t gone any further, but they were quite content with how things were. 

\---------------------------------  
John was sat downstairs with Freddie curled into his side, when Roger came downstairs. What made John frown was the fact that had had walked down the stairs, not teleported. Roger always teleported, claiming it was the easiest way to move around, so John couldn’t understand why now he had actually walked. Freddie seemed to notice too, as he sat up to look at Roger, who was shakily making his way to the kitchen, then back at John with a quirked eyebrow. 

John got up and walked to the kitchen, watching how Roger was filling up a glass in the sink. 

“Hey Rog, you okay?”

Roger finished filling up his drink before glassy eyes moved to look at John. John hadn’t seen much of Roger lately, usually only coming down with Brian. He had started his façade back up of being fine, so John was even more surprised to see him not wearing his usual mask. 

“M’ tired,” Roger mumbled before downing the glass of water he had just filled. 

John just nodded in response, the crease of a frown still lining his forehead before he was making his way back to go and sit with Freddie. Roger came back out of the kitchen, and instead of going back upstairs, he came and sat next to John with a sigh, placing his head on the younger man’s shoulder. John just went along with it, a hand going around Roger’s waist to pull him in closer whilst Freddie gently threaded his hands through the bassist’s hair. They were sure Roger had fallen asleep, his chest rising and falling continuously, until there was a stutter as he sniffled. 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, not looking at his bandmates. 

“For what?” John asked, turning his head slightly to look at the drummer. 

“For everything that’s happened. I didn’t mean to do it,” he sniffled, turning his head to bury it in John’s shoulder. 

“We know,” Freddie murmured, extending his hand from John’s hair to place it on Roger’s knee. “It’s okay Roger.”

Roger didn’t speak again after that for a while. They all just sat in silence, enjoying each others’ company; the background noise of the radio lulling them into a hazy state. When John turned his head again, it was confirmed that Roger was asleep, heavy breaths leaving his mouth, almost mimicking a soft snore. John smiled, nudging Freddie who reacted the same. They had both heard from Brian that the blonde wasn’t sleeping properly, and that Brian had been woken up many times by Roger who apologised, saying that he couldn’t sleep. Therefore, they were glad that the drummer had finally been able to get some much needed rest. 

They moved him so that he was lying own across the sofa, and then fetched a pillow and some blankets to keep him warm and comfortable. 

\---------------------------------------------  
Brian had come back from his therapy session to see his boyfriend softly snoring on the sofa under a mountain of blankets, courtesy of Freddie. Brian smiled softly, moving into the kitchen where he found Freddie at the table, and John cooking dinner. 

“What are we having?” Brian asked with a grin. 

“Just pasta. I was thinking of something light so Roger might be able to stomach it,” John replied, grinning at how Brian seemed to be in a good mood. “It will be done in about five minutes if you want to wake him up.”

Brian nodded before making his way back into the living room, crouching so he was eye level with Roger. He carded his fingers through his hair, contently watching his boyfriend sleep. 

“Rog?” he asked, getting a groan in response. 

“Dinner.”

Roger blinked his eyes open to look at Brian, and gave a slight smile. He sat up stiffly and yawned, his hair plastered to one side of his face from the way he had been sleeping. Brian grinned cheekily at the sight before moving Roger’s hair into a better hairstyle. 

 

Roger had eaten nearly all of his dinner, receiving praise from all of his bandmates for not letting his anxiety get the better of him. It was already late, so after they had finished, they moved to their respectable bedrooms. Brian instantly curled himself around Roger, spooning the younger man from behind as they lay in bed together. Brian liked these quiet moments, when it was just him and Roger. Nothing else mattered in these moments. Brian sighed contently, bringing the younger man closer against his chest, feeling his steady breaths under his hand. Roger turned his head slightly, brushing his lips softly over Brian’s, then snuggled even further into Brian’s arms. 

\-------------------------------------  
John didn’t know what time it was, he just got straight out of bed and was legging it into the other bedroom. Ear splitting screams were heard, not ending at any point, and John knew there was only one person who it could be coming from. 

Roger. 

He pushed the door open to see a still-half asleep Brian getting out of bed, obviously confused about what was going on, and after turning his head, John saw Roger huddled in on himself in the corner of the room. His hands were pulling at his hair relentlessly as he screamed; his eyes scrunched together tightly as tears tracked their way down his face.   
Brian and John were crouching down in front of the drummer instantly. 

“Rog it’s okay it was just a nightmare,” Brian tried to soothe, only for it to land on deaf ears. 

John decided to try something different. He knew he had been warned not to command the drummer, but he didn’t see any other option. 

“Roger stop.”

But even that didn’t do anything. That was when John knew that whatever Roger had dreamed about was bad, and it was as if he wasn’t even fully coherent, like he was still submerged in his nightmare. His breaths started to quicken even more, and John knew they had to get him to stop before it got any worse. 

Freddie came running in, Jim in tow who had a box in his hand. John watched as Jim frantically pulled out a syringe, filling it up with a liquid before hurriedly making his way over to the screaming blonde. 

He plunged the needle straight into his thigh, and a few seconds later, Roger hunched over; out like a light. 

Confused eyes looked at Jim, who replied with “Sedative. I restocked.”

They all nodded gratefully, before all helping to get the drummer back into bed. Brian mouthed a ‘thank you’ to all of them, then they all retreated to their rooms. 

Brian stayed awake for the rest of the night, quietly humming as he lazily stroked the unconscious blonde’s face, wishing that he would be okay. That he would be able to get through this. It had been scary watching him not being able to break out of his nightmare. He kissed Roger’s head before continuing his previous actions. Even though the drummer had been knocked out, he still wanted to make sure that he was there when he woke up. So he stayed up the whole night, watching the steady rise and fall of his boyfriend’s chest, and wondering how everything got so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter!   
> Comments mean the world x  
> As always, I am on tumblr @spread-your-wings002 so drop by my askbox and let me know what you think!! If you have any HC's as well, I'd love to hear about them! I’d also be very happy to discuss or answer any questions about this story :) And as a side note, I always seem to be writing a lot of Joger on my blog so if you have any requests or headcanons for Joger (or any ships really) I would be happy to hear from you in my askbox :)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading my lovelies :)


	14. Don't It Look That Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter isn't very long. It's a bit of a filler chapter because the rest of the main plot starts back up again next chapter, but I needed to conclude some stuff first.  
> I hope you still like it though!!

Several weeks had passed and things were starting to look up. Brian had been doing really well with his therapy sessions, and had been prescribed medication to help his depression. It seemed to make a lot of difference. He was able to laugh a lot more, leave the house a lot more, and even talk a lot more. Yes, he still had bad days, but he never got so deep he couldn’t be pulled back out again.

Roger was also doing considerably better. His therapy appointments had dwindled to only once a week, and he to had be prescribed medication to help lesson the amount of anxiety attacks and panic attacks he had been having. He had also become a lot more talkative with not only Brian, but also Freddie and John.

———————

Brian woke up with a yawn, fluttering his eyes open and spitting out the piece of hair that had landed in his mouth. A piece of hair that didn’t belong to him.

Roger had obviously been tossing and turning in the night, and was now sprawled across the bed like a starfish, his hair covering not only his pillow but also Brian’s face.

Brian did smile though. Roger wouldn’t always be able to fall asleep (as his insomnia from when he was a teen had started to spring back to life), so when he did, Brian didn’t want to wake him up, especially as he looked so angelic with his blonde hair fanned across the bed. And Brian found it cute but also a bit gross how drool had managed to find its way onto the pillow from where Roger had mushed his face into it.

Brian gave once last glance at his boyfriend before making his way downstairs.

He met Freddie and John at the kitchen table, who were happily discussing a new song Freddie had wrote.

“Mornin Brian,” John said, grinning as Brian made his way over to the coffee.

“Mornin,” Brian parroted, pouring himself a coffee, as well as one for Roger in case he got up.

He sat down with Freddie and John, and sleepily listened to their conversation, chuckling when John was trying to convince Freddie that they needed to have an electric piano in his song.

Roger appeared in the doorway, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

“Hey love. I’ve got you coffee,” Brian said, smiling when Roger broke out into a huge grin and near enough skipped to the table to receive his drink. And instead of using a chair, he decided that Brian was suitable enough and sat on his lap, so Brian draped his arms around his waist as Roger drank the coffee he had made.

“Me and Fred have an announcement,” John spoke up, his voice having a distinct nervousness to it. Brian and Roger rose their eyebrows, wondering what exactly John was going to tell them.

John took a deep breath. “We’re together. Like...boyfriends.”

Brian gasped, a smile crossing his face.

“What? How?” Brian stammered.

“I already knew, but congratulation,” Roger said with a smirk.

“What? You knew?” Brian asked, frantically looking between John and Freddie, who had wide eyes, and Roger who was still smirking.

“You’re not exactly secretive about it,” Roger shrugged. “And anyway, I heard you both going at it the other night.”

Brian gasped again, and a blush crept up both Freddie and John’s faces.

“I didn’t know you were so kinky John.”

John’s head went into his hands in embarrassment, whilst Freddie still sat wide eyed looking at Roger.

Brian still looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights, and Roger only laughed harder at the sight.

“I’m sorry darling but you’re not exactly quiet either,” Freddie quipped once he had broken out of his embarrassment induced haze.

“Excuse me, we have been good as gold lately,” Roger said, a hand going to his chest as he acted offended, causing Brian to giggle behind him.

“Yeah sure. That’s not what I heard you say the other night Taylor,” John shot back smugly, making Roger laugh even more.

Brian, still with his arms wrapped around Roger’s thin torso, put his head on the blonde’s shoulder getting incredibly close. He liked to savour these moments, when it was if Roger was fine and nothing had ever happened. That none of them had been damaged by the events that had previously happened.

So Brian tightened his arms, relishing in the comfort from having his boyfriend so close. Roger even leant back against him, obviously craving the contact just as much as Brian did. Brian just hoped it stayed like this. He knew Roger would still have set backs here and there, and that was okay, but he could see Roger was coping a lot better.

Brian’s kissed the drummer’s cheek, before snuggling back down in the crook of his neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! 
> 
> Comments mean the world x
> 
> As always, I am on tumblr @spread-your-wings002 so drop by my askbox and let me know what you think!! If you have any HC's as well, I'd love to hear about them! I’d also be very happy to discuss or answer any questions about this story :) And as a side note, I always seem to be writing a lot of Joger on my blog so if you have any requests or headcanons for Joger (or any ships really) I would be happy to hear from you in my askbox :)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading my lovelies :)


	15. Shakin' Dust From My Shoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger’s been found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Sorry this chapter is kinda short. The next chapter will definitely be a lot lot longer though so don’t worry!!  
> I hope you still like it though and tell me what you think!   
> My tumblr is in the end notes if you want to hit me up and tell me what you think :)

Three months had passed since John had first arrived at the house, and in that time things had been so up and down he didn’t realise that it had been the best three months of his life (apart from when Roger went missing). He had a boyfriend and a home, as well as two best friends. And he couldn’t ask for more. 

He was currently sat on the sofa next to Roger as they watched some day time television crap that had John yawning after about four minutes, and he would’ve thought Roger had fallen asleep from how quiet he was being except for the fact that he was fidgeting every two minutes trying to find the comfiest position on the sofa.   
He ended up elbowing John and he smacked him back playfully.   
“Stop fidgeting will you. I’m trying to watch the tv.”  
“Sure Deacy. You were just about ready to fall asleep a minute ago,” Roger laughed.   
“Was not.”  
“Was too.”  
John stuck his tongue out at the blonde, who rolled his eyes in response. 

It was only them two in the house. Freddie was at university, and Brian was dropping off his and Roger’s work at their teacher’s office. Jim was also away on some business meeting, but John didn’t mind staying behind. He didn’t want Roger to be alone, even if he was a lot better than he had been the previous months. He had finally become the Roger John knew when they first met. The playful, energetic Roger who always had a dirty or sarcastic comment to fit any conversation. His best friend who would happily sit across everyone as if they were his own personal seats. And John didn’t mind any of it, just as long as Roger continued to be happy. Yes, he still had bad days. And they would occur out of nowhere.   
He would spend the week being lively and happy, and then he would have a day where he would refuse to leave his bed, or refuse to speak to anyone that wasn’t Brian, and even then it wasn’t much. And he still had nightmares. There had been times where he had to be restrained, but for the rest of the time, John just had to listen to Brian hush Roger through the walls whilst he snuggled closer to Freddie. 

A knock at the door broke John from his thoughts. Roger jumped up immediately and looked at John.   
“Can I answer it? Please?” Roger pleaded.   
John lifted an eyebrow.   
“Please it will just be Brian,” Roger whined. John just laughed and nodded, following Roger to the door. 

The blonde opened the door, and his arm was roughly grabbed, a handcuff brutally wrapping around his wrist. Roger looked up wide eyed, the man at the door smirking at him before punching him straight in the face, knocking him out cold.   
John just stood back in horror, unable to move. He watched as the man cuffed both of Roger’s arms before slinging him over his shoulder.   
Another man came up to the door, and before John knew what was happening, he was being pinned against the wall as his wrists were bound, with presumably the same gold handcuffs Roger had, and when he was let go off, he turned to face his attacker.   
“We’ve been looking for him. And we may as well take you too,” the man smirked.   
“Why?” John whispered.   
“For leverage,” the man replied.   
“Who are you taking us too?”  
“Oh you know who it is. He came around a few weeks ago.”  
John knew immediately who had found them.   
It was Rob.   
John decided to try and run off before something could happen, but was stopped with a fist straight to his face.   
Pain exploded in his head and he stumbled back before plummeting into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER?? I know I’m sorry
> 
> Comments mean the world x
> 
> As always, I am on tumblr @spread-your-wings002 so drop by my askbox and let me know what you think!! If you have any HC's as well, I'd love to hear about them! I’d also be very happy to discuss or answer any questions about this story :) And as a side note, I always seem to be writing a lot of Joger on my blog so if you have any requests or headcanons for Joger (or any ships really) I would be happy to hear from you in my askbox :)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading my lovelies :)


	16. There's A Road Ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian and Freddie find out, and John finds something out about Roger he really wished he hadn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I left you on a cliffhanger! I'm mean I know!  
> My tumblr is in the end notes if you want to let me know what you think :)  
> Also, thank you for so many of you that support this fic! Your comments mean so much <3  
> Anyway, here is the next chapter!

Brian sat outside Freddie’s university, fingers tapping along to a song he was working on. Freddie’s university was right next to his, which is where he had been to drop off his and Roger’s work, so he decided he would wait the ten minutes for Freddie to come out.

What he didn’t expect was for Freddie to come running out of the gates, and straight past Brian. 10 minutes early.

“Hey!” Brian yelled, catching Freddie’s attention.

The older man turned and looked at Brian, and the guitarist didn’t think he had ever seen someone with some much fear in their face.

“Brian,” Freddie breathed, before walking over and grabbing his hand. “We’ve got to get home.”

“What?” Brian replied, his voice small and eyes wide. This was the first time he had left Roger, even if he was with John. He knew he was a full grown man and was capable of being without him, but it didn’t reassure Brian when he left him. And now he regretted leaving all together.

“Jim called,” was Freddie’s only answer before he was yanking on Brian’s arm, pulling him to the bus station.

They stood nervously waiting for the bus, both of them fidgeting with anxiousness, and once the red vehicle had pulled up, they were quick to climb on, pay the driver, and find a seat.

Brian had no clue what was happening. Had Roger been triggered again, or went back into one of his depressive states? Had John not been able to handle Roger? Had Roger hurt John? He shook his head. There was no use conjuring up worst case scenarios when he didn’t even know what was happening, and from the looks of Freddie, who was staring straight ahead, he wasn’t going to tell him what was said on the phone.

They sat in silence, nervous energy making the air almost tangible. When they finally arrived at their stop, they ran off with a fleeting ‘thank you’ to the driver, legging it another mile to their house. Normally they were glad their house was so far away from the community, but at times like this, they wished they lived in town. Or had Roger to teleport them.

  
Once they got to their house, catching their breaths, Jim was waiting for them outside with a grim face.

“Jim what happened?” Brian asked frantically.

Jim sighed before motioning for them to follow him. They went into the house, where Jim handed Brian a piece of paper.

“This was stuck to the door when I came back,” Jim muttered.

Brian looked at Jim, and by the fact that he looked like he was on the verge of tears, bringing Freddie into a hug, the guitarist knew that whatever was written was not good. He gulped, and read the paper.

 

_‘Dear whoever,_

_I have found Roger, after a long time of searching, and have taken him in means of keeping him. I know you will come looking, but we won’t be found._

_I have also taken the other boy who was with him. You may get him back, I’m not sure yet. It depends on how well the blonde behaves._

_Anyway, you will hear from me if I decide to return the other boy. In the meantime, tell your boys to forget Roger even existed.’_

Brian felt the breath leave him all at once. He gasped, willing air into his lungs, the paper in his hand shaking as the news set in.

Roger was gone. Actually gone. Someone was going to keep him from coming home. At the thought, Brian hunched over with a sob, his hands coming to press into his eyes. This couldn’t be happening.

Jim pulled him into a hug, ripping the piece of paper out of Brian’s clutch.

“I will get him back,” Jim murmured, before flicking his eyes to Freddie, who was hunched over, head in hands on the sofa. “I will get them both back.”

 

\--------------------------------------------------

John woke up with a shiver, stretching himself out slightly as his body protested, his limbs stiff and sore all over. His face throbbed, and he cracked his eyes open. He was on the floor, and the room was dim. He groaned and sat up against the wall next to him, wiping the dust from his face.

“John?”

The whisper was so quiet John almost missed it. But he could recognise that voice anywhere.  
He turned his head and saw that there were bars all around him, much like an old fashioned prison, and a certain blonde hunched over, the bars separating them.

“Roger?”

John managed to shuffle over on his knees to the bars, grasping the hand that was held out to him.

“What’s happening?” John whispered. He noticed that Roger had a black eye, and a small cut above his eyebrow, more than likely from the blow he had received earlier. John bit his lip at the sight. Roger didn’t look good, and he supposed he probably didn’t look any better knowing he had also been punched in the same manner.

“I’ve got an idea. No one has been in here yet though,” Roger replied. “I know where we are though,” he mumbled, turning his head away from John.

John furrowed his brow. “What?”  
Why would Roger know where they were? They were literally sat in prison cells in the dark.

Roger didn’t reply, and John became increasingly worried.

“Roger? Why have you been here before?” John asked, his voice shaking slightly. He still had Roger’s hand in his, and he squeezed it, urging Roger to answer.

Roger sighed before turning to face John, his blue eyes wide and tears running down his face.

“It’s home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLIFFHANGER?? AGAIN??? I know I’m sorry
> 
> Comments mean the world x
> 
> As always, I am on tumblr @spread-your-wings002 so drop by my askbox and let me know what you think!! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading my lovelies :)


	17. And There's No Way Back Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John starts to find out a few things from Roger's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I left you on a cliffhanger AGAIN!!  
> My tumblr is in the end notes if you want to let me know what you think :)  
> Also, thank you for so many of you that support this fic! Your comments and kudos mean so much <3  
> Anyway, here is the next chapter!
> 
> *TRIGGER WARNING*  
> Torture? I think it classes as that. It's not too violent though

In the dimly lit room, John could only just make out that the expression Roger wore was shame, proving that he definitely wasn’t lying. Not that John thought Roger could make up something so bad, he just really didn’t want believe that it was true.

“What?” he whispered, his voice coming out as more of a choked sob.

Roger didn’t reply, the same look on his face still held him place. John didn’t actually know if he wanted to know the whole story. But the only way he could find out what was happening would be to know what Roger knew. Even if he didn’t want to. Even if the thought of finding out made his stomach churn. Even if he knew it could do more damage than good to Roger.

“Roger. I need you to tell me where we are.”

Roger blinked again, sucking in a breath before turning his head again.

“I wasn’t usually in this room. Only if they c-couldn’t control me or I had been b-bad,” Roger replied, the sentence filtering through stifled sobs and suppressed whimpers.

John waited for Roger continue, rubbing his thumb back and forth over the drummer’s hand that was still wrapped tightly around his, even though it was uncomfortable; the handcuffs digging into his wrist. He didn’t want to push him. He didn’t know what he would do if Roger had a complete breakdown. Especially as there was no Brian to calm him down.

_Brian_.

He wondered what happened when he found out they were gone. He hoped that he would be okay, and not repeat what had happened the last time Roger had gone missing. He couldn’t blame him. The depression was easy to fall into when it already had it’s grip on you. It only needed a push before it had swallowed you whole. Brian had been doing so well. His therapy sessions had been helping him immensely, and John could say that Brian was back to what he had been when John had first met him. He just hoped he could ground himself enough to find them before he slipped backwards. At least he also had Freddie there.

_Freddie_.

John’s heart clenched at the thought of his boyfriend not knowing where he was. He knew it must be breaking him. John sucked in a breath. All he wanted to do was be sat in his boyfriend’s arms, not in some dingy cell with Roger who was desperately try to keep it together for both of them.

John looked back at Roger, who looked lost in thought, and didn’t stop the small movements on his hand.

“I usually slept in a room out there,” Roger murmured, nodding to the door that was in front of them.

A beat passed.

“He’s not very nice in here.”

Roger’s voice sounded so small, almost child-like, and John was sure his heart just cracked right there. He didn’t want to know what had happened in this room. He didn’t even want to think about what had happened in there.

“Who Roger?” John asked.

“Rob,” Roger whispered, so quiet that John wouldn’t have caught what he had said if there had been any other sound in the room.

John remembered Rob. When John had opened the door that day he first met him, he didn’t expect that the man in front of him was the one that had made Roger’s life such hell. He looked like the average person, dressed in a suit and nice shoes. The only thing that stood him out from the average guy was his smirk. It was cruel and unforgiving, and John remembered wanting to shrink at the sight. He really didn’t want to see that man again.

“He’ll be here soon. He usually only waits until I’m concious.”

The way Roger was speaking sounded like all of this was a regular occurrence. He had been at the house for years, and yet it was if he had never left this place. And the fact that he said ‘usually’ meant that even when he did live here, he was treated in such the same manner as he was now.

John just silently nodded in response, giving Roger a dejected smile when the blonde turned to face him again.

A few more minutes passed, before the door in front of them opened. Roger’s hand squeezed John’s in a death grip. John recognised the man in the doorway immediately and his breath hitched.

The man walked into the room, closing the door behind himself, before standing right outside both of their cells, the same hostile smirk playing on his lips.

“I see you’ve gone soft Roger. You never used to cry.”

John stiffened, letting Roger take his hand away.

There was no reply, and the figure in front of them chuckled.

“Well you know what I’ve come in here for don’t you?” Rob asked.

John looked at Roger. The aforementioned drummer had his handcuffed hands in his lap with his head down. He did nod in response, and John’s eyebrows furrowed in concern.

This had definitely happened before.

Rob started to open Roger’s cell, and it was like a switch had flipped. One minute, Roger looked like he was going to cry, and the next minute he was stood at the edge of the cell, hands grasped around the bars as he growled deep in his throat. John at least knew what was happening now. He had been triggered.

“Now, you know you can’t do that Roger,” Rob tutted. “And I have a friend to hurt instead this time.”

What John didn’t expect was for Roger to snap out of it. He watched as the blonde stumbled back wards, shaking his head.

“Please don’t. Please,” Roger pleaded, tears spilling over his face when Rob opened John’s cell and walked in.

John looked up at the man from where he was on the floor, channelling his disgust in to his facial expression. Rob just smiled smugly before he a boot was colliding with John’s face.   
The pain exploded in his face, and John was vaguely aware of Roger sobbing and begging Rob to stop. When he was able to blink away the fogginess, he noticed blood trickling from his nose and down his face. He grimaced in response, wiping it away with the back of his hand. He looked back up to see that Rob had left his cell and was currently in Roger’s.

“Right. You let me do it or I’ll go him beat up again,”the man spat, and John could see he was holding a syringe filled with some sort of cloudy liquid. John gulped at the sight, and his eyes darted to Roger who was still whimpering on the floor. It was clear the drummer wasn’t going to answer Rob, but he did hold his arm out.

Rob roughly grabbed his arm and jabbed the syringe into the crook of his elbow. Roger only sniffled in response, before bringing his arm back to his middle and cradling it against his chest, his head bowed.

“Thank you Roggie. I’ll see you in four hours.”

And with that, the man turned out of Roger’s cell, locking it behind him, before walking out of the room, slamming the door.

John looked at Roger who still had his head bowed.

“Roger?”  
Roger sniffed again, looking up at John. “I’m sorry,” he choked.

John scrunched his face up in confusion.

_Oh _._ He was apologising for him getting booted in the face. _

“Rog that wasn’t your fault. He-”

“If I had just done what he said-”

“He probably would’ve done it anyway. Rog, I don’t blame you,” John interrupted. Roger looked over at him and gave a weak smile.

There was a beat of silence again, Roger returning to look at the floor.

“What did he do to you?” John whispered. Blue eyes flicked to his.

“It’s meant to be a training drug. I don’t know what’s in it. But it always hurts like hell,” Roger mumbled. “Just please promise me you won’t try and help me when it kicks in. They won’t like it and might do something worse.”

The end of his sentence became a whisper, and John almost wanted to kick himself for nodding along. He knew it was the most rational thing to do, but he didn’t know what affect the drug had, so he didn’t know if he could keep to that promise.

Silence crept upon them again, and John leant back against the wall, closing his eyes as his face throbbed. It was only when he heard Roger’s breathing become harsh pants did he snap his eyes open. He looked to the blonde with fearful eyes and saw him hunched over, eyes screwed shut as he drew in ragged breaths.

And then just as quick as it started,it stopped.

John’s eyes widened when Roger’s eyes rolled back and his back hit the floor with a thud. John’s breath caught in his throat and he watched painfully as Roger started to twitch, before his whole body started to convulse.

Tears streamed down John’s face as the drummer writhed in agony.

And all he could do was watch. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAH ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER! I'm so mean lmao
> 
> Comments mean the world x
> 
> As always, I am on tumblr @spread-your-wings002 so drop by my askbox and let me know what you think!!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading :)


	18. Oh But I Have To Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys don't know how long they can go without their other halves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for so many of your lovely comments! We are nearing the end of this fic now. Only a few more chapters to go!!  
> My tumblr is in the end notes if you want to check it out!  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

It had happened three more times.

John had to watch as Roger was injected with that vile stuff every time. And every time after he had to watch as Roger slowly became less of himself, his personality dwindling until he was nothing more than a whimpering mess. Each time the convulsing stopped, John would reach his hand through the bars as far as it could go, grasping Roger’s hand, and continued to whisper soothing words that, even though he didn’t believe them himself, did seem to calm Roger. The blonde would usually lay there on his back, dazed and panting for breath with the odd twitch still racking his body.

And he would cry.

That was always the hardest part for John. He didn’t know what to say to help his ailing friend, and could only helplessly watch as silent tears rolled down the other man’s face, his eyes becoming distant after each time.  
Roger had just finished his fourth shot and was nearly unconscious, his head drooping to the side, but his blue eyes were still sluggishly blinking at John. John had the drummer’s hand tightly in his, and was making small patterns with his thumb on the back of the other man’s hand, just like he was when they first got there.

He was thinking about Freddie. He hoped the singer had found a way to find them. He didn’t know how long they had been here. He knows that at first, Roger’s injections were every four hours, but then it had gone to eight hours, then ten. And they had slept a while as well. So he guessed it must be somewhere around two days.

It felt more like two weeks.

He sighed, squeezing Roger’s hand.

He wasn’t surprised when he didn’t get a response.

 

\----------------------------------------------------

Brian stopped his pacing to run a hand through his curls, his eyes flicking between Freddie and Jim.

Jim had been working effortlessly to find their bandmates, calling around all his contacts to find something, and he was grateful, but no one was telling him anything. He didn’t know if they were any closer to find Roger and John, and nearly two days had passed since their disappearance.  

Brian was worried. He was worried for Roger, not knowing what they were doing to him. Did they know who he was? Had they recognised him from the news?

He was also worried about John. He couldn’t think of any reason why they’d take John other than he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, or they were going to use him against Roger. Either way, it didn’t seem good for the bassist either.

Brian sighed and sat next to Freddie, who was sat on the sofa and staring into space, entranced by his own thoughts.

“I miss John,” Freddie murmured.

Brian looked over at the singer sympathetically, who looked back at him with wet eyes.

“I miss him too Fred. And Rog,” he replied. “God I miss him so much.”

Freddie hummed in response

“We shouldn’t have left him you know.”  
Brian furrowed his eyebrows. “Who?”  
”John,” Freddie replied, diverting his gaze away from Brian.

“He was with Roger. He wasn’t alone,” Brian said, still confused about what Freddie meant.

“That is exactly my point.”  
Brian scoffed at Freddie’s words, disbelief coating his features. “Are you saying this is Roger’s fault?”

“All I’m saying is that I wouldn’t be missing my boyfriend right now if he hadn’t stayed with Rog.”

Brian stood up abruptly, anger boiling in him at Freddie’s words. He could feel the weight of it in his chest as he breathed heavy, willing himself to not snap.

“You know we can’t leave Roger alone Freddie,” Brian seethed. “Don’t put the blame on him because you have no one else. And don’t think you’re the only one hurting here. Because you’re not.”

With that, Brian fled the room as his anger faded and tears decided to replace it. He sunk onto his bed and dipped his head into his hands.

He didn’t know how long he could go without knowing if Roger was okay. As well as John. He needed answers now.

 

\---------------------------------------------------

A few hours had passes before there was a small knock on his bedroom door. Freddie entered sheepishly, eyes red and puffy, reflecting Brian nearly identically.

“I’m sorry Bri,” Freddie mumbled. “I was just so angry.”  
Brian sighed. “I know. It’s okay.”  
He pushed himself up from the bed, wrapping his long arms around his bandmate. He needed the comfort just as much as Freddie, knowing they were both clinging desperately to the centimetre thin slither of hope that was Jim finding out where their boyfriends were.

There was a commotion coming from downstairs, and just as Brian let go of Freddie, they heard the sound of footsteps running up the stairs.

Jim came straight into the bedroom, eyes wide, and Brian’s breath hitched.

“Jim what’s the matter?” he asked, trying not to get to hopeful in case the news was the exact opposite of what he was hoping for.

“I think I’ve found them.”

 

\-----------------------------------------------------

John was drifting in and out of sleep. Roger had passed out a while ago, and the bassist was just left with an unconscious body for company.  
He had been grateful when a man had brought in water and some food, leaving them alone to eat it themselves. John had hungrily scoffed down the dried toast, trying to lessen the weakness his body had. It hadn’t been the first time they’d come, but it hadn’t been one of many, and John was just thankful that their captors at least wanted to keep them alive. So John ate his food and drank his whole water.

Roger had been a different story.

He was still relatively unresponsive at that point, but not quite unconscious. John had been able to pull Roger closer to him, a fist in his shirt as he heaved him over, his arm wedged between the bars. He had then proceeded to lift up the blonde’s torso and forced him to drink, opening his mouth and shoving the water down his throat.

He wasn’t going to let Roger die. Not after going through so much.

The brunette’s eyes were closed as he leant against the wall, his head drooping with the weight of sleep, and his face still mildly throbbing from the kick he received a few days prior.

He heard a crash and his eyes bolted open, searching the dark room for any signs of danger.

There was another crash, causing him to flinch, before what sounded like gunfire.

He sat up straighter. He didn’t want to be too hopeful but he really wanted this to be his other bandmates.

A few seconds later the door opened, and John nearly passed out in happiness.

Freddie rushed over with a key, unlocking his cell before throwing himself at the younger man.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Freddie whispered against the shell of his ear as he held him close.

Meanwhile, Brian had come running in after Freddie, unlocking Roger’s cell before stumbling at the sight of his boyfriend. He collapsed to his knees, taking Roger’s unconscious form into his arms, holding him close. Even though he was unconscious, just the feeling of having his boyfriend in his arms again had Brian’s heart pounding.

He looked to John, who was still encased in a hug by the singer.

He turned his attention back to his ailing boyfriend, lightly tapping his cheek to try and rouse him back into consciousness.

No such luck.

He couldn’t see any injures, so couldn’t understand why Roger was unconscious. He didn’t have time to find out though.

They needed to get out. Brian carefully picked up his boyfriend, cradling him against his chest whilst Freddie helped John to stand, wrapping his hand around his boyfriend’s waist to keep him steady as they walked out the room.

“It’s okay now. You’re safe,” Freddie murmured, placing a small kiss to the top of John’s head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! We are finally getting nearer to a happy ending!!
> 
> Comments mean the world x
> 
> As always, I am on tumblr @spread-your-wings002 so drop by my askbox and let me know what you think!!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading :)


	19. Leavin' Home Ain't Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All band members return home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your lovely comments and your support!  
> My tumblr is in the end notes if you want to come and say hi!  
> I hope you like this chapter :)
> 
> *TRIGGER WARNING*  
> Mentions of torture and violence

They finally got home, Brian carrying a still unconscious Roger through the door as his bandmates, as well as Jim, followed. Brian placed him on their bed before turning to Jim with wide eyes.

The car ride over had been silent; Jim had unlocked both John and Roger’s handcuffs before Roger was pressed against Brian as his unconscious body lolled around in his seat, whilst John placed his head on Freddie’s shoulder as the singer weaved a hand through his hair. There was no need for words, they were incredibly comfortable with just being in each other’s presence.

“Right, I will look at Roger. Freddie can you tend to John’s face please?”

Freddie simply nodded, pushing John down lightly so that he was sitting at the end of Roger and Brian’s bed, a few inches away from Roger’s feet, before moving out of the room. John had completely forgotten about his face, too caught up in trying to save Roger and being rescued to think about how his face still throbbed and was sensitive when it was touched.

Jim walked over to Roger, giving him a once over before turning his attention to John.

"What did they do to him John?”

"They injected him with some sort of clear liquid,” John responded, hoping that whatever it was, Jim would know how to fix it.

“How many times?” Jim asked hesitantly.

“Only four,” John replied, and was relieved when he saw Jim’s face soften.

“Okay. That’s okay,” Jim said, letting out a breathe. Brian glanced at him confused. It didn’t look like Roger was okay. For one thing, he was still passed out.

“What they’ve given him is a training drug. It is specifically designed for those with special abilities and basically makes them unresponsive whilst the drug is in their system. It only does lasting damage if it is done more than six times in a short amount of time. Therefore Roger will be fine. He will just be ill for a few days whilst his body gets rid of it, but after that he should be mostly okay.”

“Mostly okay?” Brian asked, his eyebrows knitting together and his eyes wide.

“Brian…he has basically been tortured for two days straight. He may be physically okay after a few days, but mentally...I don’t know.”

Brian sighed, looking down at his sleeping boyfriend before tucking a piece of blonde hair behind his ear. 

Freddie came back into the room with a wet cloth and some cream. He knelt down in front of John and dabbed the cloth over his sensitive nose, cleaning away the crusted blood that had dried there in the few days prior. John scrunched his eyes together as the movements over his nose ignited the pain.

“Sorry dear,” Freddie whispered, his eyes trained on John’s face in concentration before pulling away, making sure there was nothing left. He then applied the cream on the reddened area of skin on John’s face.  

Once he was gone, Freddie places a gentle kiss on his cheek before going back out the room to put the supplies away.

John turned his head to look at the other people occupying the room.

Roger was still unconscious, but Brian had now lay beside him, stroking his face with a light finger, obviously waiting for the blonde to wake up.

In the time that Freddie had been cleaning him up, John hadn’t noticed that Jim had been rummaging around the room for left over supplies from the last time Roger was injured and had found some more IV equipment. He set up a drip and inserted it into the crook of Roger’s arm to keep him hydrated, as dehydration needed to be the least of their worries. He taped it over with thick tape that would make it harder for Roger to tear off, as they all knew the drummer would do just that when he woke up.

Jim hung the IV bag on the head board, before muttering a small goodnight and a ‘shout me if you need me’, then left the room.

Freddie came back in and gently pulled John up from the bed.

“I think we should be going to bed,” Freddie murmured, and John nodded his head in agreement. He was just glad he could now sleep in his own bed with his boyfriend and this whole nightmare could be over.

Freddie made him drink a full glass of water before they got changed into bed, claiming that he didn’t want John to get ill.

Once by were in bed, Freddie curled around John, holding him against his chest, and John never felt safer.

He placed a kiss to his boyfriend’s arm and received one to the side of his temple, both muttering small goodnights.

 

——————————

Brian was dozing when movement from Roger alerted him, and he sat up, inspecting his boyfriend closely.

Blue eyes sluggishly blinked open, and Brian could see the confusion they held as the blonde looked around the room before finally locking eyes with Brian.

“Bri?” he whispered, as if he didn’t quite believe this was real.

Brian couldn’t hold his emotions in any longer and broke into sobs, softly bringing his boyfriend towards his chest into a hug. Roger didn’t move except for nuzzling his face against Brian’s chest as they both cried.

Brian held him close for a while, then helped Roger under the covers, the task being a lot more than the drummer could handle as his limbs weren’t cooperating properly.

Once they were both comfortable, they lay so they were nose to nose, Brian’s arms wrapped around his boyfriend’s small waist.

“I love you,” Brian whispered, tears silently running down his face, even as he wore a smile.

“I love you too,” Roger replied slowly. Brian didn’t know if Roger was numb or he was in too much pain to move, and so couldn’t wait until the drug was completely out of Roger’s body.

 

Until then, they had to ride out the withdrawal that was coming their way.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are nearly at the end now guys!!
> 
> Comments mean the world x
> 
> As always, I am on tumblr @spread-your-wings002 so drop by my askbox and let me know what you think!!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading :)


	20. Oh I Never Thought It Would Be Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The withdrawal is playing havoc with Rog's system.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. It seems that having three fics to write all at the same time is harder than I thought.  
> Anyway, we are coming to the end of this fic; there will only be two more chapters left after this one.  
> My tumblr is in the end notes as always.  
> I'm also sorry Deacury fans, there is no John and Freddie in this chapter, but they will be back in the next one!  
> Enjoy :)

The next few hours were hell for everyone.

The morning after the rescue, Brian was awoken to a kick to the leg. He blinked his eyes open with a huff before he realised why he had woken up. Roger was asleep, but was tossing and turning rapidly. His blonde hair was stuck to his face with sweat, and he was frowning, obviously uncomfortable.

Brian carefully held a hand out, shaking Roger’s shoulder slightly until glassy, blue eyes blinked to look at him.

“Hey,” Brian whispered, moving a piece of hair away from Roger’s face from where it was stuck to his forehead.

Roger frowned slightly, before grumbling something incoherent in response and moving to tuck his head under Brian’s chin, burying his face into the warmth of his boyfriend.

Brian placed a hand on the back of Roger’s head, holding him close, but his eyebrows knitted together when he felt the body heat radiating from the smaller man. He moved his hand and placed the back of it against Roger’s flushed cheek.

Fever.

He knew Roger was going to get worse before he got better, but it was still saddening to see his boyfriend be so ill after going through so much, all in the space of a few days.

Brian carefully manoeuvred the blonde to lie on his back, ignoring the weak protests with a soothing shush before quietly moving out of the bedroom. He didn’t know how early it was, but he could hear Freddie singing downstairs so concluded it must be mid morning. He nearly ran to Jim’s office, not even knocking before pushing his way through the door. Jim was at his desk, and looked up at him with wide eyes.

“He’s got a fever. I don’t know how high it is but he’s mostly incoherent,” Brian told him, to which Jim replied with a small nod.

“I’ll get the first aid kit while you wet some towels. We need to cool him down.”

Brian did what Jim said, and after wetting a few wash cloths, he made his way back into the bedroom. Roger was still lay on his back, but was scratching at the IV line in his arm. He wasn’t aware enough to figure out he needed to peel the tape off, and was instead incessantly running his nails back and forth over it, his face scrunched into that of concentration.

Brian was quick to make his way over, taking Roger’s hand in his own, away from the needle in his arm.

“No Rog leave that,” he said soothingly.

Roger just looked at him and blinked. Brian sighed and pulled back the covers from the drummer’s body, as well as his clothes, which was hard when Roger was mostly uncooperative, so he was left in just his boxers, before beginning to place the soaked towels over his legs and arms.

“Cold,” Roger moaned weakly, trying to push off one of the towels on his arm.

“Rog you’ve got a fever. You’ve got to keep them on,” Brian replied, moving the towel back over the drummer’s arm.

Jim was in moments later, and after on glance at Roger, concluded that this was most definitely a fever.

He placed the thermometer in Roger’s ear, earning a grumble from the blonde which was quietened when Brian got onto the bed next to him, allowing the younger man to snuggle his face into his chest.

After a minute, Jim pulled the thermometer out.

__

_39°C. Shit._

 

“Okay we need to cool him down. It’s dangerously high and I don’t have the equipment to treat it if it gets any higher.”

Brian looked at Jim with wide eyes, nodding just a little to make Jim aware that he knew what he was talking about.

“You continue to put the cold towels on him whilst I run an ice bath,” Jim told him before leaving for the bathroom. Brian continued to lay with Roger’s face tucked against his chest, but calmly moved the towels up and down his chest and arms before moving onto his face.

“Rog can you look at me,” Brian whispered, trying to get Roger’s face away from his chest so he could wipe it with the cloth. Roger leant back slightly and blinked sluggishly at him before Brian wiped his forehead with the towel, moving his sweat-soaked hair out of his eyes.

Brian heard Jim shout him, and concluded he would be the one to carry Roger to the bathroom. He gently removed the IV from his arm, causing a whimper to come from the blonde, then scooped him up and cradled him in his arms.

“Cold,” Roger whimpered, shaking slightly in Brian’s arms.

“You’ve got a fever,” Brian gently replied, to which the blonde looked at him confused. Brian just smiled kindly before placing a light kiss on the drummer’s cheek. He then shuffled to the prepared bath and dunk Roger in the water.

Roger gasped at the ice and desperately tried to get out, thrashing around in the water in his fevered state.

“Roger listen to me. We need to cool you down. You’re too ill,” Brian told him, keeping him in the water by placing his hands on Roger’s shoulders, who was too weak to fight him off. Roger eventually gave in and sat there for a good five minutes. Jim checked his temperature after a while, and saw that it had gone down half a degree. He let Brian get Roger out of the bath and dry him off, but wouldn’t let him wrap him in the towel as it would risk the fever going back up.

Roger was on the verge of passing out when they finally put him back to bed.

“Hopefully, he should just sweat it out and it will break before night,” Jim sighed before re-inserting another IV into Roger’s arm, glad there was no protests from the half-unconscious drummer.

Brian just sighed as Jim left the room, and slipped onto the bed next to Roger. He stroked his hair lightly, placing a kiss on the top of his head before curling around the drummer, hoping that this would pass and he would get better soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are nearly at the end now guys!!
> 
> Comments mean the world x
> 
> I was also thinking about maybe doing a sequel to this fic. But I'm not sure. Let me know in this comments if you think I should, and what you would want to see in it. I don't know whether to do it a few years later from this, or as a prequel, or what. I'd be really happy to hear your thoughts and whether you'd be up for another fic in this AU :)
> 
> As always, I am on tumblr @spread-your-wings002 so if you don't want to add anything in the comments, you are welcome to drop by my askbox!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading :)


	21. Leavin' On Your Own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow okay it's been two months since I last updated. I am so sorry.  
> After this chapter, there is only one more left. I'm saad about it because this is my longest fic and I'm proud of it.  
> Also, there was so many of you that wanted another fic but it was an equal split between a sequel and a prequel. So instead, please comment with either 'Maylor' or 'Deacury' and I will decide from that. I will announce what it will be in the last chapter.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter :) . I apologize it's so short

The fever broke in the early hours the next morning.

Roger had slept mostly the whole day previous, only waking in a delirious state now and then, but he had Brian there to comfort him.

Brian nearly cried of happiness when Roger’s temperature started to crawl back down, and he wasn’t the only one that was happy.

Both Freddie and John had stayed with each other; Freddie not leaving John’s side nearly at all. Whilst John appreciated it though, he was started to get a bit annoyed that Freddie was so worried about him. They stayed most of the day in bed, just speaking and exchanging gentle kisses, but eventually Freddie went into Brian and Roger’s room to check on the guitarist quickly whilst his boyfriend was slipping out of fitful sleep.

It was nice for John to spend time with Freddie, especially after hours of sitting and thinking about him whilst he was alone in that cell. He kept expecting to wake up back in that grimy place, and it scared him. He had told Freddie, and although the older man assured him that everything was real, he couldn’t help but think that it wasn’t.

He wasn’t sure of anything anymore, and that scared him the most.

 

\---------------------------------------------

Brian blinked his eyes open with a yawn to find a pair of blue eyes looking back at him. He smiled softly and placed a kiss gently on Roger’s lips.

“You okay?” he mumbled, knowing that even though Roger’s fever had gone, he was still more than likely in pain and feeling ill.

“Mmm I’m okay,” Roger replied quietly, placing a kiss of his own on Brian’s lips. Brian kissed back, deepening it slightly so when they broke apart, they were breathless. They stared at each other for a while before Roger spoke again.

“ I was so scared that I was going to be stuck there again Bri. I can’t… It was so horrible,” Roger whispered, his eyes darting away from Brian.

Brian placed a hand under Roger’s chin and lightly lifted it so that Roger’s eyes were on him again.

“You’re safe now. I promise you. It won’t ever happen again.”

Roger just smiled then moved closer, nuzzling his face into Brian’s chest. They lay like that for a while. Brian was running a hand through Roger’s hair softly, and was surprised when the blonde suddenly looked up at him with a concerned expression.

“What about Deacy? Is he okay?”

“He’s fine. A few bruises and scrapes but nothing Freddie can’t handle,” Brian replied, but after Roger’s face still hadn’t changed from being overly worried, he continued. “He’s safe Rog.”  
Roger accepted that answer and placed his head back against Brian’s chest.

“I want to see him. I haven’t seen him since we were in there,” Roger murmured, half muffled by Brian’s chest.

Brian nodded. “Okay. I’ll tell both him and Freddie to come up. You’re still not well enough to get up.”

 

\------------------------------------------

Freddie and John were in the kitchen, idly chatting as Freddie made a cup of tea. It was then that they heard Brian speak to them telepathically.

‘When you’re free would you mind coming up. Roger’s awake.’

They both looked at each other. Freddie abandoned the tea and they both made their way up the stairs. They stopped outside the other couple’s room and glanced at each other.

“I’m nervous Fred.”

Freddie took his hand in his own and squeezed it. “You’ll be fine John. It’s only Rog.”

John nodded before they entered the room.

Roger and Brian were sat on top of the covers, and both of their heads turned to face them.

As soon as John’s eyes met Roger’s, he couldn’t hold in his emotions any longer. He immediately joined the blonde on the bed and hugged him tight, needing the physical contact so much after to seeing the older man go through so much.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” John whispered, his face pressed against Roger’s shoulder.

“You too,” Roger replied softly, gripping John just as hard.

When they eventually pulled apart, they both had tears in their eyes, and Roger was surprised when he was immediately engulfed in a hug by the singer.

“Bloody hell Fred you nearly knocked me off the bed,” Roger laughed, hugging the older man just as close. Freddie laughed loudly and gave Roger an extra squeeze before letting go.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Freddie told him with a wide smile which Roger returned.

In that moment, seeing Roger smile so brightly despite the circumstances, John knew that this was real. That was his conformation.

And he knew they were going to be alright.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> Comments mean the world <3  
> Also remember to tell me either 'Maylor' or 'Deacury' by either commenting below or sending an ask on my tumblr!  
> As usual, my tumblr is @spread-your-wings002 so don't be afraid to check out my blog :D

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know in the comments what you think. I love to read all your opinions, and I value all comments, even if they are only short. I also accept criticism, so if you do have any, don't hesitate to let me know. And I love kudos <3
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this. It will be quite a few chapters (I've planned about 20???) but that may change the more I write. 
> 
> The next chapter will hopefully be up soon :)


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